Jun 13 2005

“Hey! Did you just grab my ass from across the room with your Force Grip?”

So, above is my Star Wars pick-up line. For those of you who know my history with my husband, you will find this as amusing as I do, I reckon. For those who don’t I give you the “short” version:

When I was in high school, I was a part of an acting group called (oh so cleverly) Teen Theatre. We wrote and acted in skits about teen “issues” like drugs, alcohol, suicide etc… really cheery stuff. The basic message was: don’t. Anyway, I was the VP of the club and so had to be present at all club meetings. One day, John decided to become a member of our techie crew (he says now that it was so he could meet chicks- I know for a fact that it was so he could hang around one particular chick, not me!). Even though we had gone to school together for all of high school (we were in the beginning of our senior year at this point) John and I had never met. Even though I was good friends with his sister.

Anyway, one evening we had a show that went spectacularly well and we were all really jazzed. We went to a local diner (the whole group) and sat at a huge table. I was at the head of the table and John was to my left with one person in between us. We started talking and, eventually, were talking only to each other and having a great time. I was sorry when it was time to leave. We all walked out to the parking lot and were having last chats when I got my brilliant idea.

Now, earlier in the week, I had found a huge list of really funny pick-up lines on the internet. I printed them out and we had great laughs about how ridiculous they were during our “rehearsals”. These were still pretty fresh in my mind on the evening in question.

So, back to my brilliant idea. I was wound up. That’s the only explanation I have for my bizarre behavior. I saw John across the parking lot talking to a couple of his guy friends. He had his back to me. I screwed up my courage to go say something to him before I left, but after I marched over the only thing I could think of was a pick up line. I grabbed his butt and said “Is this seat taken?” It didn’t make quite the impact that I had intended since he jumped about two feet into the air and yelped like I had bitten him. I didn’t quite know what to say after that and so I did the only thing I could think of: I ran. I jumped in my car with my sister and drove home as fast as I could.

A while after I got home, I got a call. John had gotten my number from a phone list he had from when he had tried to start up a debate club. My sister had wanted to join. He called to let me know that he thought it was funny that I had grabbed his butt and that it didn’t put him off at all. We talked for a couple hours that night and pretty much every night after.

We had our wedding ceremony four years later in 2001, finally signed marriage papers last year (three years later) and our first baby is due exactly on the 8th anniversary of that fateful night when I grabbed his ass.

John, I love you so much and I intend to keep grabbing your ass whenever I feel like it until the day we die.