Sep 30 2005

Just so freakin’ tired.

I’m sitting at work with absolutely nothing to do this afternoon. I still have an hour here! It’s really very irritating. Why do they keep me here on Friday afternoons? All I do is take up space.

I remember when I worked in the shoe store and times were slow. At least there I could try on shoes for fun or go into the stock room and lie on the floor with my eyes closed for a while. It was nice working in the McKinleyville store because I could jump next door and grab a coffee and cookie to pass the time. I guess I could walk down to the vending machines here, but I don’t really want anything from them and it’s just not the same.

I start to daydream. Right now my daydreams too often turn into arguments or interviews- totally annoying. I’ve been trying to daydream about Cole but it’s just too hard to imagine him yet, even with such a short time left. I start daydreaming about family and my real home but that’s frustrating because I end up missing them so much. I think about trips I might take but I have no money and will shortly have a newborn and so really, what’s the point?

These dead friday afternoons put me in a funk.

It almost makes me wish labor would start just to have something to do.

How about this: Guesses.

Give me your guesses about when Cole will make his entrance, how big he will be, whether I’ll make it through labor without drugs, anything.

*His due date is October 24th. It has never changed. Every time they check his development they say that that date looks good.

*I kind of want to go late. If stubborn mind power has any control over babies and when they come out, he will not be here until after Oct. 27th. I can be a stubborn bitch.

*I’m afraid of needles. No- really afraid. Especially the ones designed to go into my spine.

*He’s big. 7lbs, 6oz as of last Tuesday. Does that mean he could come early? I dunno.

*I have been having “practice” contractions daily. Not too bad yet.

*He hasn’t quite “dropped” but he has definitely been riding lower in the last couple days. When he moves his head I feel like I have to poo even though I don’t. Too much information? Well, you already read it.

*John and I were both over 8 lbs and 20 inches at birth. I am now 5’10″ and John is about 6’1″.

*I’m eating lots of apples and craving a parmesan chicken sandwich with marinara sauce. What does that have to do with anything? I don’t know. Maybe nothing or maybe it’s the key to all the answers…

Go crazy. If more than one person votes I might actually come up with a prize. You won’t have much competition as only about, oh, 5 people read this. (By the way, thanks guys!) Wow. I’m so goddamn popular I just don’t know what to do with myself.