Oct 20 2005

I warn you, the following is boring and probably best skipped.

Because my husband asked me to and I have nothing better to say and I’m sitting at home feeling like crap, I give you: Heels’ 100:

1. I’m a raving atheist.
2. I love shoes.
3. I hate ugly shoes.
4. I only vote in National elections, not local.
5. I no longer have a favorite color.
6. My favorite color in elementary school was black.
7. I wore at least one piece of black clothing every day from 4th grade until high school.
8. I really dislike Romeo and Juliet.
9. I was born in Tennessee.
10. My first memory is of catching frogs in a broken yellow tennis ball.
11. I remember when I was two and my Mom cooked lobster.
12. One of my favorite things was dancing with my Dad.
13. I remember being three and watching my sister eating bugs off the window sill.
14. My Mom and Dad are still together.
15. I like puns.
16. I’ve read Black Beauty over 30 times.
17. If a movie makes me cry I’ll never watch it again.
18. My first dog was a German Shepard named Steppenwolf (coolest name ever.)
19. One of our first houses in California had a barn full of stray cats. Now hay smells like kittens to me.
20. The first cat I remember naming was Chachie the Choo Choo Train. No clue.
21. We also had two cats named Catcher and Rye.
22. My cat Pumpkin had kittens in an abandoned bird’s nest in a tree.
23. I’m very shy but I wish I weren’t.
24. I sing in the car.
25. I stopped being religious when I was 8.
26. I was kicked out of the Episcopalian church when I was 5. For fighting a boy. And winning.
27. In first grade I formed an all girl, anti boy-kissing-terrorist strike team. When we saw the boys capture the girls we would go in and take them out.
28. In third grade I formed a group that patrolled the playground doing random checks to make sure people were carrying their MADD cards.
29. In fourth grade I had a club that would bring stuffed monkeys to school and talk to them. No monkey- no admittance.
30. Later in fourth grade, my friend and I would fight crime with our animals at our sides- lions and such. No props required.
31. Also in fourth grade, I beat up Nick Albini on the playground in front of the yard guards. I didn’t get in trouble. They just laughed.
32. In third grade I was in a “gifted” program with Ticknart.
33. I used to love crimping my hair.
34. I never had the “big bangs” hairstyle.
35. I don’t wear makeup.
36. In first grade I convinced a girl that I was a princess.
37. In fifth grade I had imaginary, microscopic Native American friends- sort of like “Indian in the Cupboard”, but smaller.
38. I’m a really good liar when I want to be.
39. From fifth grade to eighth, I went to a Waldorf school.
40. I played the cello.
41. I also played the sax.
42. And the recorder.
43. And guitar.
44. And bass.
45. And tuba.
46. I don’t play any instruments any more.
47. If I ever had to have a mastectomy, I would get big, black tattoos across my chest.
48. I have eight piercings, all in my ears.
49. I have gone bus surfing.
50. I beat up Essie Taylor in sixth grade.
51. That same year, I threw a desk across the room while screaming “I’m NOT having a temper tantrum.”
52. I have scars from fighting with my sister when we were little.
53. We once fought over a pencil sharpener.
54. My second dog was a Golden Retriever named Goldie.
55. My second cat was named Bridgett.
56. I almost lost Bridgett the same day we got her from the Humane Society.
57. Bridgett had kittens (twice, I think) and we kept one. He became Chachie the Choo Choo Train II.
58. I still regret not being there when Goldie was put to sleep. Missing her still makes me cry.
59. In sixth grade I wanted to have 12 children some day. I had names for all of them.
60. I’ve never been popular.
61. Between Kindergarten and 11th grade, I was ditched by every friend I had for being totally uncool.
62. I’ve known and loved my husband for 9 years.
63. I once stole a guy from my sister just for the hell of it and then ignored him.
64. The first boyfriend I had for more than a week ditched me after a couple months because I wouldn’t sleep with him (I was a freshman, he was a senior).
65. The only person I’ve ever slept with is my husband.
66. I’ve never had a detention or suspension or anything.
67. I dressed very strangely in high school because I was so bored.
68. I got into the year book for the way I dressed.
69. I was the Soprano with the highest voice in high school. I’m now a tenor.
70. I’ve never smoked a cigarette.
71. I’ve never done any illegal drugs.
72. I was addicted to Codeine cough syrup in elementary school.
73. I was anorexic from about 4th grade until 11th because it hurt to eat.
74. I was the first girl at my school to have Converse and I was teased for it because they were boys’ shoes.
75. Because of my dark arm hair in elementary school, I was called “ape woman”.
76. I didn’t drink until I was 21.
77. I’ve been to Europe twice.
78. I’m often embarrassed to be an American.
79. I have my degree in art but I’m a terrible artist.
80. I have a German Shepard/Rottie mix dog named Yoko.
81. I only want one child.
82. Sometimes I wish I could be really wild and rude and cruel.
83. My parents and sister are some of my best friends.
84. I HATE Cat Power.
85. I wish I could believe in magic.
86. I do believe in true love.
87. And that I have it.
88. When I was little I thought my stuffed animals were alive and had feelings.
89. I played Eleanor of Aquitaine in my 8th grade play and I’ve been obsessed with her ever since.
90. I am one of the most liberal people you’ll ever meet.
91. I’ve disliked almost every “hippie” I’ve ever met.
92. I don’t really like cats.
93. I’m a terrible “home-maker” but I wish I could be one of those women whose home is decorated for each season and always looks perfect.
94. Instead, I make fun of them.
95. I believe abortion saves lives.
96. I often call my dog “Pooper”.
97. I wish I was good at school.
98. I’m very lazy.
99. I think plastic surgery is disgusting.
100. I hate being pregnant.