Nov 30 2005

So today Cole and I are working on eating only every two hours instead of every hour. The good news? I was able to express an ounce (a whole fucking ounce? WOW!) of milk last night and he happily took it in a bottle from John. This kid doesn’t care in what form it comes as long as it’s boobie juice. He also responds rather nicely to a pacifier, so I have hope ( I never used to like pacifiers and I refuse to call them “binkies”. I hate that stupid word).

We saw the pediatrician yesterday. Or maybe I should say “man who must be in the employ of the baby formula company”. The asshole pushes switching to formula every time I see him! He also can’t seem to remember that Cole is uncircumcised and asks about how his penis is doing every time. “Well, doc, his penis is great, seeing as we didn’t barbarically chop off all the skin with nerve endings for no good reason. How’s yours?” He also tries to tell me every time that we’ll have to start pulling back Cole’s foreskin eventually, which is just outright FALSE. I hate this man. I think I need to find a new pediatrician. Maybe one who actually knows medicine would be good.

The doc told me that next time Cole comes in he’ll be getting vaccinations. I find this interesting since he never even asked me if I want Cole to get shots. I’m not sure that I do. How do you all feel about them? Did you or would you have your kids get them? John and I have to talk about it. He’s more for them than I am. We’ll probably end up deciding on a case by case basis for each vaccine, but I want to be sure aboiut our decisions. I’ll tell you one thing- he’s not getting the chicken pox vaccine. Not after the trouble I’ve had with shingles. The vaccine makes the chances of getting shingles far greater and makes you more likely to get bad cases multiple times. I’d rather he get chicken pox once.

Oh the choices we have to make for our children.

Nov 29 2005

Ok. Actual help needed here. At what point should babies be on a regular eating/sleeping schedule? Because this baby boy? Is NOT. Unless by regular you mean whenever he’s awake he wants to eat. The problem with that? I have to go back to work on December 19th and John doesn’t have tits. I have no clue how much milk I need to pump or when to try to pump it, seeing as how I have a baby stuck to either one or the other all day long. I hate the idea of “baby training” because I feel like he’s just getting what he needs right now- I mean, he is growing a lot- but I’m getting nervous. I don’t want to leave for work and have John be stuck with a screaming, totally inconsolable child. Do you think Cole will schedule himself in the next couple of weeks or do I have to step in?

Nov 27 2005

We’re back from our thanksgiving trip to California and not completely happy about it. My Mom was here with us from 4 days after Cole’s birth until we all went to CA and I got so used to having her around. It was great- not only was she an extra set of hands to help me with Cole, but she also was a shoulder to cry on when I was frustrated, a shopping partner, an adult to talk to and a reference for my baby questions. In short, my friend is gone.

We were also very sad to leave CA because we have come to realize how much we love it and being in our hometown. It’s great to be able to feel safe in a town after dark, to always know your way around, to be able to visit both sides of the family in the same day and to actually have friends around.

Things are still up in the air, but we may end up back there and sooner than we ever thought.

Cole is now almost 5 weeks old. I still can’t believe that he’s been here over a month (or that I’m STILL not fully healed!). The boy is a boobie hound! He can’t get enough. He wants to eat every hour when he’s awake. He seems to gain weight every day. His head seems especially heavy and, with how pudgy his cheeks are getting, I have started to accuse him of storing milk away in his cheeks for the winter. My little squirrel.

He’s still not so sure about his daddy, but his daddy’s getting more comfortable with him and doesn’t look panicked and shove him back into my arms as soon as he starts crying anymore.

Cole started smiling a LOT while we were in CA. He smiles the most at me, but he also smiled at his Titi (grandma) and his Auntie Em. His cousin Spencer nearly got a laugh out of him. He laughs in his sleep and it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. He’s really interested in hair and will smile at funny hairdos. At the bank the other day, he stared at a woman with bright copper dyed hair for longer than I’ve ever seen him stare at a stranger.

I’m sorry that we didn’t get the chance to see more of our friends while we were back. The time went way too fast. I’ll be posting more regularly now (I hope) since I will be home for a while with just Cole. Please, everyone, keep in touch.

Nov 05 2005

Oh my… so much to say, so little to say… where to even start?

You’ve all , no doubt, read the re-cap of my labor experience on John’s site. I begged him not to put up any pictures with my gargantuan boobs but he didn’t listen. I’m very sorry for you all.

Speaking of hideously large breasts, they have only continued to grow now that my milk is in. Cole latches beautifully and he has been taking full advantage of the 24 hour boobie buffet. I’m sure he’s gained back most of the weight he lost after birth by now.

I am still recovering. The boy was not easy on me when he came out. I will be a much more pleasant person to be around once I can walk comfortably. Even so, I have no regrets about how his birth went. It was just as I’d imagined and I feel very lucky.

Cole is also sleeping like a champ at night. I actually get a few solid hours at a time. I never knew how wonderful sleeping with a tiny little baby could be. We cuddle and nurse and stare at each other all night. I think it’s a joy that only other mothers can fully relate to. I highly recommend it.

I haven’t been feeling any post- partum depression. I don’t know if that’s something that can come later, but right now I’m very happy. Cole makes me laugh every day.

The other morning I was changing his diaper in bed. While his first diaper was off and I was cleaning him, frothy poop started coming out. I quickly put a wipe in the way and it stopped. When I felt brave enough to give it another try, I pulled the wipe away. More poop froth spurted out and I stuck the wipe back. It immediately stopped again. Once more I tried to pull the wipe away. This time, I really thought I would make it when a foamy poop rocket came shooting out. It went all up my shirt and into my hair. I couldn’t stop laughing. Later that day, I was kneeling on the bed facing the wall behind the poop explosion. I noticed some marks and leaned closer. There on the wall were spots of poop from the rocket. He shot poop 4 feet! Do you think that’s a record? If he doesn’t work out, do you think the circus would take him?

His cheeks are chunking out and he is starting to smile- not AT anything, but smiles all the same. When he really smiles at us, he will break our hearts, I’m sure. I think he may even have dimples.

He sleeps in the car and has been a perfect child every time we have gone anywhere. He’s SO easy going. He hardly ever cries.

For me, he is the most fantastic thing on earth and I have never loved anything more. I am already amazingly protective of him and can’t imagine life without him.

And now he’s hungry again.