Dec 20 2005

Intelligent Design tossed out on its ass!

All I can say is… YIPEE!

I just hope it sticks.

Dec 20 2005

OH, the sublime evilness of chocolate truffles! Bitter, powdered cocoa on the outside; creamy, silky, dark ganache on the inside. So simple. So delicious. So bad to eat so many! I’ll never fit into my pre-pregnancy skinny pants again this way!

Dec 20 2005

So here’s what I’ve been avoiding talking about: We had to put Cole on formula supplements. Why am I avoiding it? Because I feel like a failure as a mother and a woman. You see, Cole lost weight. He lost 7 ounces in a time when he should have gained 7 ounces; a time when I was breastfeeding like mad ALL DAY LONG. So it’s my fault. My boobs are broken I guess. Anyway, I got scared and decided that it was worth going to formula for a bit to see if we could get his weight back up.

We started with a regular formula, but he vomited it all back up quite calmly and efficiently. Now we are using a hypoallergenic formula that costs twice as much but it seems to be doing the trick. We have a weigh in at the pedi-ass-trician today to see how he’s coming along. If his clothes and cheeks are any indication, he’s been gaining quite nicely.

So why do I feel so bad?

For one thing, I really like breastfeeding. I like the intimacy as well as the health benefits it affords us both. I don’t want to give up breastfeeding- and I won’t- but bottle feeding does have its bonuses for the tired and lazy people his parents are, slowly but surely, becoming. He also just seems more satisfied after a bottle feeding. He’s happier for longer. Doesn’t seem so bad, huh?

Except that the first ingredient in the formula is corn syrup solids. I might as well be filling his bottle with Dr. Pepper and red licorice sticks (sorry- those just sound really good to me right now- major sugar craving!). It just doesn’t seem healthy and I really wanted to give him the best start possible. Formula just isn’t as good for babies. Plus, the spit up. Oh jeez, the spit up! Every time we burp him stuff comes up. That almost never happens with the boob. And the spit up STINKS! The formula smells AWFUL. I used to love to stick my nose into the velvety wrinkles of his cute little neck and just breathe him in, but now he smells so bad it gives me a headache. I have to give him a bath if I really want to cuddle (okay, I’m exaggerating a tiny bit- I still cuddle his skinny butt off, no matter what).

I just hate formula!

But, I hate starving my baby more.

I have the name of a new pediatric group that stresses their commitment to breastfeeding so I think I’ll be giving them a call. Maybe I’ve just been doing something wrong and it’ll be really easy to fix. I’m really dedicated to moving back to all breastmilk, even if it has to still be given in a bottle. Maybe they can recommend a psychiatrist to help me get rid of my horrible feelings of guilt and inadequacy.