Jun 12 2006

So this is how it happens…

The one friend I made in Pittsburgh who I still keep in touch with just told me (and I was the FIRST to be told!) that she and her husband are pregnant. They have been trying for about 7 months, but she has some ovary “issues” and it just wasn’t happening. Now they are about 6 weeks along and have already had two ultrasounds to confirm. It’s happening.

I’m so excited for her (even though I don’t really like how she and her husband interact with each other and I have serious doubts about him as a father- but that’s another story). I keep reflecting on how things were for me at each stage and emailing back and forth with her. It’s been a wonderful way to relive my pregnancy without actually having to be pregnant.

Except that I’ve realized that, OMFG, I’m the new (*gulp*) ASS-VICE giver! Fuck, bugger, shit-bricks.

I SWORE that I wouldn’t do that! Up and down and sideways- I was NOT going to be that person. But now I am! What happened to me?

Childbirth. That’s what fucking happened. Childbirth turned this person who could previously keep her opinions to herself when not asked (most of the time) into one of those damn biddies who stops you in the grocery store and tells you that you need to feed your baby more milk and sausage because that’s what she did and now her kids are grown up and each a good, healthy 500 pounds! And Oh! Let me stick my old biddy fingers in your baby’s mouth and give him whatever cold I’ve picked up from the old folks home! Aaakk!

Yes, childbirth has turned me into an “expert” on all things baby related. Doctor? Pssht. Who needs a doctor? Forget them- just ask me!

Anyway… I have to really work on keeping my advice to myself unless she asks (but then, even if she does ask, how do I know she really wants advice and isn’t just humoring me or something? Oh god- this is too complicated! Do I have to sever ties with her completely in order to avoid offending her with my advice? Would not talking to her be more or less offensive?). So far, I’ve tried to limit myself to just telling her about what books I liked and which I hated. Is that too bad?

To those of you who don’t yet have children, this may seem a bit strange. But heed my warning- when you do become pregnant? The ass-vice-ers will come for you, too. And I might be one of them…