Jun 21 2006

What Did I Get Myself Into?

This Saturday we are hosting a birthday party for my niece (who turned 6 on the 7th of this month, but her parents decided to wait until the 24th for her party). Seriously, have I been smoking crack? Have you been seeing me down in front of the bars at night begging for a fix and you just didn’t tell me about it? Because that’s the only explanation I can think of.

I don’t even know what I’m in for. I haven’t been to a birthday for a six year old girl since mine in 1985. I don’t think I had much fun then, either. I was an overly serious girl.

So… Questions:

What does one even do for a six year old girl? Are pinatas, like, totally last decade? What about a rousing game of “Pick up the dog poo from the back yard?” I’ll hand out plastic bags and whoever cleans it up the fastest can go home with it all.

I already got her some presents. I got girly, pink and purple clothes, a Cinderella purse, sparkly lip gunk, sunglasses, and obnoxious gum (2 packs!)(What- it’s not like she’s my daughter. I don’ t have to deal with her identification with unrealistic role models and traditional roles for women. That’s for her parents to fuck up!). Now I have to take my nephew out to go present shopping for her and I’m tapped for ideas. Any suggestions? I think my nephew will probably pick something having to do with motorcycles, and I’m not sure she’d be too into that.

And what about rules for the party? Can I isolate all the kids in the room with the floor that’s easiest to clean? Or outside? In the 100 degree heat (There’s a hose)? What about putting up a baby gate across the entrance to my living room (with off-white carpet, no less) and a sign that says “Adult Lounge- Must be 18 years or older to enter”?

Finally, can I serve pink, frothy, irresistable-to-children drinks loaded with alcohol, or do you think that could turn ugly?

Any suggestions would be helpful as I am totally and completely fucking lost.

(I also think it’s a really good thing that I am the mother to a boy.)

Jun 21 2006

One more thing…

You know, there are downsides to having your baby, who normally likes to nurse throughout an entire night, finally sleep through a night. They are called boobs, and they hurt.

Jun 21 2006

Huzzah! I Rejoice!

Cole slept through the night last night!

I’m not gloating, I’m just really, super, fucking grateful to have gotten 7 straight hours of sleep. I might just be able to function today!

My writing abilities, however, don’t seem to be much changed from the usual awful crap. Like the saying goes- Those who can’t write, edit.

(For those who don’t know, I’m a Technical Editor. It’s even more pitiful than a real Editor, who might actually have to have some kind of writing skills in order to get a book in shape. No, I just piss around with formatting and grammar. I’m the asshole with the red pen catching your spelling mistakes.)