Jul 06 2006

Crushing Depression

I will most likely not be going to BlogHer. We just don’t have the money. I am in despair. In fact, I really may cry, I feel so sad about it. I feel like I’m going to be missing out in so many ways. In my head, everyone going will afterwards be the best of friends and will mock me from afar. I’ll never get another comment or email, even from people I know, and I will die alone.

Maybe I’ll see you all next year.

Jul 06 2006


I’m unbe-LIEV-ably conflicted this morning. I found out that a friend of mine is having her birthday celebration the same weekend as BlogHer.


I’ve SO been looking forward to BlogHer. I haven’t registered for the Saturday session, but I was going to. I already have my hotel reservation. I REALLY, REALLY want to meet some of the people going. I have been giddy to the point of nausea even.

But now I really want to participate in all the birthday stuff, too.

Here are the two sides:

Meeting new people who I already feel like I know but would like to actually.
Relaxing in a hotel in San Jose.
Getting out of town for a bit.
Doing something new (I kind of hate that part, but it’s good for me).
Learning something new.

I will have Cole with me for sessions- not totally cool.
LOADS of money (to me) that I don’t really have right now.
Being away from my husband for a couple days (sometimes would go in the “pros” list, but not right now).
Doing something new.

Freakin’ CHEAP!
Get to see good friends.
No time away from John (except when he’s climbing Half Dome and I’m not, because- yeah right, I’m going to climb Half Dome? HA!).
Cole will be welcome.

I’ve been to Yosemite a lot. I love it, but I don’t NEED to go again too soon.
I’ll probably be alone a lot. I think most will do the Half Dome hike, but, let me reiterate, not me.
Hiking by myself.
I’ll have other times I can see these friends.
I won’t be able to participate in all the “events” because of Cole and/or exhaustion.

Can you see my conflict? I’m really agonizing about this!

Please tell me- what would you do? What would be the deciding factor?

(And maybe, were you looking forward to meeting me at BlogHer? ‘Cause I’m really afraid that no one will talk to me there and I’ll be lonely and sad. I’m even afraid to ask, which is why this is in parenthesis, as if you’ll just forget that I asked it instead of making fun of me.)