Sep 28 2006

Oh, you’ll be singing this one ALL day…

Like I said, I was just in a pissy little “everybody hates me and is out to get me” mood yesterday. Afterall, just because you’re paranoid don’t mean they’re not after you! (To continue with the song lyrics, except I know I got this one right!)

You are all lovely and fabulous and so much wickedly cooler than me that I completely don’t deserve you.

But if you’re still reading this blog you have serious masochistic tendencies. Seek help.


Continuing even further with the lyric theme for the day, I started to make up a song for Cole during bathtime last night. The only hitch was that I didn’t really know the lyrics to the original song I was styling it after, so I didn’t get very far. Cole seemed to like the part I did sing (he was dancing at the edge of the tub), so I thought I would find the real lyrics and bend them to my own purpose.

I give you… Our New Bath Song. (When you sing it, think Pink)

You’re gonna take a bath so we better get this water started.
You’re gonna take a bath so we better get this water started.

Get the water started in the bathtub tonight.
Put the toys in. We can have a water fight.
We’ll soap up your hair and your butt and your toes.
Don’t suck any water up your cute little nose.
When you’re clean we’ll towell you off and get you all dry.
Then put on your jammies and go sleepy ni-ni.

You’re gonna take a bath so we better get this water started.
(Gonna take a bath, gonna take one)
You’re gonna take a bath so we better get this water started.

Anyway, I think you get the idea. I’m tapped for original lyrics for another few months I think. Not that these are world class in any sense. I like them just a bit better than Elmo lyrics, though (Take a bath. Take a bath. Taa-ake a baaath.)

Sep 28 2006

Lyrically Challenged

When I was little, I had a very difficult time with song lyrics. Usually, when hearing a new song, I would get most of the lyrics right, but then flub a line pretty awfully. The fact that the line would make little sense really made no difference to me and never served to clue me in.

A few good ones:

My sister and I were listening to the radio when a new Buick ad came on. What we heard “The great American road belongs to Pubic.” Honestly. And we had NO IDEA that pubic was a real word, and CERTAINLY had no idea what it meant. We just thought that was the name of the car company, having never heard of Buick. We ran into my mom’s bathroom, eager to show off the new ditty we could sing. When we were finished, she looked at us and, stifiling laughter, asked if we knew what pubic meant. We looked at each other, confused, and said no, except that it was a car company. She said ‘That’s Pubic!” and pointed down. I was so embarrased I thought I would be sick. It was the first of several that my family wouldn’t let me live down.

Later, I heard the song that has the lyrics “making love to the rythm of the ceiling fan”, except that, no. Not “ceiling fan” at all. Oh! “Steel drum band!” I see. I’m challenged, clearly.

The best was in late elementary/early high school- I can’t remember exactly when. I hadn’t heard much Elvis, and the song “Hound Dog” was fairly new to me. My mom and I were riding in the car when it came up on the radio. I started singing along and was going just fine, until my mom interrupted me to ask “what are you singing as the chorus?” I said “I ain’t nuthin’ but a Hound Dog, crappin’ on a tire.” Mm-hm. That’s really what I thought. She laughed hysterically, embarrassing me permanently again, and said “it’s Cryin’ all the time, not crappin’ on a tire! HAHAHAHAHA!!!”


Now I’ll get to see what lyrics Cole comes up with. He already loves music and will boogie at the slightest provocation.

My nephew has already come up with a good one, now that I think of it. For the song “Baby Beluga” he sings “…and a little white whale and a goat” when it should be “…and a little white whale on the go.” A whale and a goat is a more interesting image, I’ll give him that.

Sep 27 2006

In a Mood.

Well, I’ve done it again, haven’t I? I’ve lost nearly all of my readers. It’s a good thing that I write because I’m compulsive and not because people actually read this shit, isn’t it? Who wants to be well known, anyway? Then you have to deal with all of the trolls and stalkers and spammers… at least, that’s what I tell myself when I start feeling lonely.

I’m sure I did it to my own self, what with my total inability to comment or, if commenting, the unbelievable ability to make a total ass of myself (I’m differently-comment-abled). Why would you read and comment on a site whose writer rarely acknowledges your existence, even when you leave lovely, supportive comments? You wouldn’t (obviously). (Y’know, I am a MAD lurker on all of your blogs though.)

Well, poo. Thanks for all of your comments while you were here. I looked forward to all of the emails in the morning. You all get me through some days when I’m not sure what else would. I love bloggers. They’s some awesome people. I talk about you all as if you were my real-life friends (Nice. Some of them may not have been scared away before. Good Work!)

***Updated to add: I’m too lazy/too much of an ass (you pick which) to comment on YOUR blogs, but, apparently, not on my own. Big loser points to me for commenting in my own comments (and then updating about it!). Thank you. I will be accepting the “Loser Blogger of the Year” award any moment now, I’m sure.***

In gossip today, Cole’s daycare lady bought a Hummer H2. In Yellow. Because she wanted to have it to look at.

I’m paying her WAY too much money.

Sep 26 2006


I just purchased this awesome tricycle for Cole for his birthday.

The Kettler Kettrike Air Happy with Push-Bar (I added on a seat belt, a basket, and a bell for just a little more). It really is a very cool trike, but damn. It’s pricey. My parents are going to chip in some, but still… My tummy hurts just a little.

Why buy such a pricey trike for Cole? For one, it should last him until he’s at least 4, maybe 5. It can hold up to 400 pounds and I really don’t think he’ll ever get that big. The limiting factor will be height. Secondly, it is so well made. It’s made in Germany and is constructed like a bicycle made for an adult. It is virtually indestructable. Thirdly, every, and I mean EVERY, review was so glowing. You’d think that these parents had been paid to say these nice things. And even if they were, they can pay me too and I’ll say nice things and offset the astounding price of the trike!

I don’t think Cole will be getting much from us for Christmas, though. Maybe some socks.

Sep 26 2006

C’mon. Do it for Mama!

It’s amazing. As soon as I start to worry about Cole not meeting some developmental step, he meets it.

For example, yesterday I was reading that babies his age should be able to understand and follow simple commands, such as “Give Mama the spoon.” I really didn’t think that he could do that and I started to worry that we weren’t working with him enough, that his verbal skills weren’t developing properly, yaddayaddayadda…

And then, when we were riding home in the car, he closed his cell phone- his favorite toy right now- and couldn’t get it open again. I said “Give the phone to Dada” and… he did. He just calmly handed over his phone to be opened by John.

So why do I continue to worry, when every time he puts my fears to rest? Well, I guess it’s because I’m a Mom. The capacity for illogical fear and worry was formed in me at the very instant I found out that I was pregnant, and it has grown exponentially since.

My current fears:
That Cole won’t learn to use utensils by himself.
That he’s allergic to milk.
That he’s becoming a spoiled brat.
That his teeth are rotting.
That he’ll never really learn to fall asleep by himself.
That he hasn’t formed an attachment to a “lovey.”
That he’s lonely.

That covers some of the current big ones.

So tell me, am I alone? I don’t think I am. What are some of your current fears for your children? Let’s share, so that we can tell each other that we’re just being silly and that all of our children are the most perfect beings on earth. Because they are, aren’t they?

Sep 25 2006

Preview of the Thunderdome, aka Teenage Years

What a beautiful Sunday morning that was…

We’ve been tricking Cole into standing without support. He’ll be holding onto a finger and I’ll replace it with a cord or something that won’t help him at all. He stands for as long as it takes him to realize that he’s unsupported and then he falls. I’m always there to make sure he doesn’t get hurt, of course. But it’s pretty cute.

This morning started out nicely. He was bopping, clapping, and nodding while I was singing as I picked out his clothes for the day. It was the most heart-breakingly adorable thing.

Then started the battle of the wills.

Everything I say no to right now he has to test me on. No. Don’t touch the dog bowls. No. Don’t climb on the brick. No. Don’t climb over the side of the bed and land head-first. NO!

He’ll pull his hand away at first, but then he peeks out of the corner of his eye at me and reaches toward the forbidden item again. And again. And again. When I finally get tired of telling him no and pull him away, Oh! You should hear the wailing! His father and I are going to get what we deserve in this area. We are both very willful when it matters to us. Right now what matters to Cole is having the milk when he wants it and being able to hurt himself however he wishes. He’s already too damn smart for MY own good.

But then he has to be all squishy and delicious and make me love him so much. Stinkin’ brat.

Sep 22 2006

Just STOP, Already!


Oh, Coley, Coley, Coley, Coley, Cole.

He wants to walk everywhere now. He barely holds on to my fingers. His balance and coordination are visibly inproving daily. When I have him walk holding on to just one finger, he giggles like it’s ice cream and balloons and peek-a-boo all rolled into one. He always laughs out of the sheer joy of his accomplishments. He knows when he’s done something amazing.

And he’s so talkative, too. When he babbles, he sounds like he’s really holding up his side of a conversation. Out of nowhere sometimes he’ll say something that sounds frighteningly like “Oh shit.” I double-take and blush every time (because I know if he’s saying it it’s my damn fault). For real, he can now say “Mama” (though he rarely does), “Dada” (the current favorite- the other day when I picked him up from school he pointed at me and said “Dada!” Dammit.), “Dog-dog”, and “Star.” This morning he was wearing star pj’s and I was pointing to the ones on his arm and saying “star, star, star, star…” When I stopped, he pointed at his arm and said “tar, tar, tar!” Whenever we walk into his room, he grins and yells “TAR!” and points at the large, blue Ikea light (Smila Starna!) that’s shaped like a star.

He can also pick out objects with amazing accuracy from books. His favorites are babies and balls. I’d say that he loves balls, but it just sounds wrong that way.


Clearly, he’s a gifted, brilliant, wonderful child (you all think the same about yours, right?!). But, more importantly, I fall in love with him all over again each time I see him, and probably every time I look at his pictures during the day.

I’m planning his birthday party right now. It’s hard, that my BABY will be a year old. But I’ve been thinking about him more than usual because of it. The one fun thing about having him turn 1 is that a whole world of new toy possibilities are opening up. We’re thinking about getting him a certain awesome trike (that we can push while standing, ’cause, advanced as he is, he’s not quite there yet!). I want to give him everything wonderful in existence, but the trike is even pushing our budget.

Speaking of budget, John and I have been doing some preliminary house shopping (YIKES!). Maybe we’ll be able to have Cole’s second birthday in a home of our own.

Sep 22 2006

Just bugging my site.

It’ll only be a minute.
Technorati Profile

Sep 21 2006

For the record…

My son does not play video games. We do not own a game “console” or any such thing. We do, however, own a computer on which my husband used to play games and the video game controller was purchased so that he could use it for the video-game emulator to play things like Legends of Zelda (y’know, for sentimental reasons). I hate video games. I never want them in my house. Cole just likes anything with buttons so we gave him the controller.

I just wanted to be clear.

Sep 20 2006

IT Genius. Or: Well, Now We’re SURE He’s a Guy.

This-here keyboard is broken.

I will fix it with my precision computer-fixing tool, aka plastic Ladle.

Strange, but this tool doesn’t seem to be doing the job…

I see! I was just using the wrong end! Fix, you blasted thing, FIX!

Oh. It wasn’t plugged in.

Oops. Heh.

Forget it. I’m playin’ video games.