Jan 26 2007

Though I’m not entirely sure why, I’ve been having a really rough day. I just realized that I have had my teeth clenched for at least the last hour- probably all afternoon. A little while ago I nearly started crying. Nobody had said anything to me, I hadn’t read anything particularly emotional, I wasn’t thinking about bad stuff. Out of nowhere I just got this urge to cry. I’m just as confused as you must be.

See, I’ve been having trouble with my hormones, I think, due to the use of birth control pills. Before I went off of them to get pregnant with Cole, I was fine using them. I never had a day of trouble with them. I L.O.V.E.D. my pills.

Now, when I’m taking them I’m a roller coaster, and when I’m not I’m on my period (a roller coaster). I’m getting sick of the ride.

I’m sure it doesn’t help that I had a baby less than 2 years ago (post-partum fuck-you-up can last at least 2 years. You know that, right?), that we moved across the country less than a year ago, that I’m not all that fond of my stupid job, that I’m constantly thinking of people I love who are going through hard/tumultuous times, and that I am working really hard to spend as much money as I probably ever will in my life by putting offers on this house. Those things don’t put a person in the best head place to begin with.

I have an appointment next Wednesday to talk about how I hatehatehate-with-pointy-daggers the pills I’m on right now and what might be done about that so that my husband will not be afraid of me any more. Because I think that would be good.

But right now, I’m sad. Not depressed- no, I wouldn’t call it that. Just sad.

I hope your weekends are wonderful and rejuvenating. I know I can use the days off.