Jul 27 2007

I feel all squishy in my tummy.

Where the eff did the week go? Ohhhright.

I’m starting to get very nervous about next Tuesday. Do you remember when I said that I was nervous about doing a solo in dance class and that I thought about calling in sick and not doing it? Well, I actually ended up getting sick and didn’t do it. So next Tuesday is my second chance. Just thinking about it makes my stomach want to drop out onto the floor.

I never used to get nervous quite like this. Of course, there were always times of nervousness before performances, but usually it didn’t happen until right before I went on stage. I didn’t freak about it and lose sleep over it for weeks before. I don’t know why I let it get to me now. Maybe I care more about dancing than I ever cared about playing music or acting. I think it’s more than that, though I can’t put my finger on it. I do know that I do not like it.

I’m sure I would feel better if I already had the dance choreographed. But I don’t. Like, at all. I’m going to have to improvise most of it, and improvisation is something I’m TERRIBLE at. I think that’s why I come off as such a dork. I can write like crazy if I know exactly what I’m supposed to be imparting, but I’m a terrible speaker, awful on the phone, and appear to not have a creative bone in my body when put on the spot. I also fear that I seem like a really pompous asshole in comments on other people’s blogs. No wonder the only friends I have are the ones who I’ve known forever. That’s how long it takes to look past what an idiot I can be!

(While I’m at it, if I ever came across as an asshole on your blog, I am SO sorry. I really never mean to be, I just seem to stick my damn foot in my mouth WAAAAAY too often.)

So yeah, this week went by fast. And Tuesday will be here really soon. I have no excuses this time, unless I decide to pack up my family and move to Spain in the next three days…

Anybody know where I can find classifieds for Spain?