Aug 29 2007

I hate offices.

I’ve been dragged into a meeting today and I’m having a very hard time not feeing disturbingly betrayed by it. I feel like it’s going to turn into the “How much can we pin on Danielle?!” show, and I’m not having any of it.

At the same time, I have to evaluate how much of this is my over-active and worst-case-scenario imagination taking over. It wouldn’t be the first time.

But I know this group. And, I guess, I ultimately don’t completely trust them.

I have my war-paint on, just in case.

Aug 28 2007

Maybe it was funnier then because I couldn’t laugh out loud…

Oh! HEE! I totally forgot to tell you!!

At that stupid “Economic Summit” that I went to last week (where all of the politicians and politicians dressed as “public-school-board-officials” (fuckers) spoke only to further their own agendas and have yet another way to cram their politi-speak down our throats) there was one speaker who just made me giggle. Non-stop. Because I’m still in high-school.

No, it wasn’t what he was saying. It was (HEE!) his name (HEEHEE!): Victor Mow. He’s the (HEE!) CHAIRMAN of the Board of Supervisors.

(HEEHEE!!) Chairman Mow. HEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

(Well it’s funny to me!)

Aug 24 2007


Last night, John took the dog out to the back yard to pee. To get to the back yard, you have to go through the laundry room, which is separated from the kitchen by a door, and out the back door. Cole followed him into the laundry room, but I thought nothing of it. I loaded my arms up with food that should have been in the pantry (also in the laundry room) and tried to go put it away, only to find the door closed. And locked. With Cole on the other side.

So I started knocking on the door and yelling for John to open it before I dropped everything. I couldn’t figure out why I was having such a hard time hearing him until he came through the FRONT door, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE. The door through which he had gone outside was ALSO closed and locked. With Cole on the other side. In the laundry room. With all of those chemicals. ALL BY HIMSELF.

So John grabbed the most accessible card-type thing that couldn’t really get hurt (the Library card, it turned out) and tried to jimmy the door open. No luck.

So I started asking Cole to open the door. Here’s the result (you have to listen to it, so turn on your speakers):

Untitled from Heels and Vimeo.

(Let me translate: He’s saying “Just a minute!”)

I finally remembered that the front door key also opens the handle on the back door (not the deadbolt, but he didn’t lock that) and I was able to get in.

Here’s what I found:

He was very quietly and very innocently (HA!) trying to buckle Yoko’s harness, buckles being one of his current obsessions.


(The mark on his face is not his punishment for locking the door. He did a nice little face plant at daycare onto the astroturf in their indoor play-yard. I wasn’t even there! I swear!!)

Aug 24 2007


I’m also ridiculously excited about the new shoes I am wearing today. So cute! So silly! So cheap!!

Aug 23 2007

He calls me “Mom.”

This may be one of the ugliest and, at the same time somehow, funniest pictures I have ever taken of Cole.

It’s weird how awful it is, especially because he is usually a very handsome boy:

Yeah- that’s really the same child!

And it’s not even because he had food on his face; that can be charming in its own way:

Maybe it was just something in the water that evening. I mean, this is Yoko taken on the same night:

Yes, that’s a sticker on her head. Several, in fact.

Poor, abused dog.

Aug 21 2007


In a short time, John, Cole, and I will be traveling to Humboldt, from where John and I graduated college and lived for about 6 years. We will be visiting some lovely friends and their two delicious children. We are VERY excited, both to be seeing our friends again and to be seeing the place again. This will be the first time we’ll have been back since we left in 2003.

So- to the point. Though we are very excited, we are also dreading this trip hideously. You see, Humboldt is roughly an 8 hour car ride away from where we live now. And Cole is roughly 22 months old.

How the fuck are we going to survive 8 hours trapped in a car with a totally pissed-off (almost) 2 year old? Really- any, ANY suggestions are welcome.

And, maybe it’s bad that I’m asking but- is it wrong to drug your child for the good of the rest of the family?

Aug 20 2007

A present for you…

on my birthday.



And there should be one tame one. Y’know, for all the kids who visit this site. *Snort*


‘Cause I’m generous like that. Now you can’t say I never gave you nuthin!

Aug 20 2007

Ugh, Argh, Ouch!

So it’s not a strained or torn rotator cuff after all. Instead it’s a case of severely inflamed bursa, otherwise known as bursitis. I feel so pretty.

Last night John and I were fooling around and I had to stop and clutch my hip because it was cramping. Then I had to stop and grab my shoulder because it was aching so badly. Then I told him to stop again because my dentures were hurting. Then I asked him to change my colostomy bag. Here’s to me- totally bringing sexxy back.

There are some days when I just feel so old…

And today’s mah berfday.

Aug 15 2007

What did the big tomato say to the baby tomato when he was lagging behind?


Over a week since last post? Check.

Busy, busy, busy? Check.

Crappy excuse for not writing? Check.

Cole is freakin’ cute but also the challenge of a lifetime? Check.

Severely strained and maybe even torn rotator cuff resulting in a prescription for vicodin and a few days off of work? CHECK.

There. I’d say we’re all caught up.

Aug 06 2007


We had a busy weekend, but a good one.

On Saturday, we went to the closest city that’s big enough to rate a mall around here and went shopping at the used book store, the fabric store, and Target. I got some awesome material for some new fish-pants and a couple of fall skirts and I got Cole some fall clothing staples, a pattern for a halloween costume, and a couple of movies (Curious George, Muppets In Space, and Bug’s Life). It’s both sad and charming, I like to think, when we can get so excited about a trip to Target.

That evening we had a brief torture-fest known as “The (Company name) Company 2007 Picnic!” We went to a minor-league baseball game, stood in the sun for obscene amounts of time, and ate horrible food. We left really early.

THEN we went home and had a geek-fest, staying up until 1:30 playing D&D; again. It’s so much more fun as an adult!! We make MUCH better jokes now! And can drink!

And on Sunday, Cole slept for about 3.5 hours. John and I decided to try to nap about 1/2 hour into it and so each got almost 3 hours of sleep. It was blissful…

And then, at 9:15 that night, I finally finished patching the wall that had been sporting a hole from the door-knob since we moved in. SO.PRODUCTIVE. AND AWESOME. In fact, now it starts me thinking on the other home improvement tasks I’d like to conquer. Like new fixtures and a ceiling fan and painting and re-flooring and completely ripping out the back “yard” and starting over…

This is getting dangerous. And expensive. I should just sit down, watch a movie, and have a beer. If I get any more “productive” we’ll end up with debt that will last forever. John should thank me for sitting on my ass, really.

Hey Cole! Will you bring Mama a beer?