Aug 01 2007

Not Completely Awful

I went to class last night. I actually did it- I performed my solo. I was shaking so hard that it was like a full body earthquake. I forgot some stuff that I had sort of “planned” to do (it was a mostly improvised dance).

But, apparently, no one could tell. At least no one would admit to me that they could. They were all very complimentary, which was nice. Even so, my inner asshole is telling me that I was SO bad that they all had to nice nice things or else they would have barfed all over me. I’ve seen the nice things they say to the bad (but obviously trying hard) dancers. It’s the friendly thing to do. But I don’t trust them to tell me the truth.

I wanted somebody to give me some real criticism that I could use to make it better, but the only thing I heard was that I left a safety pin at the back of my skirt. That’s not really what I was looking for.

For some reason, I never trust compliments that don’t come with criticism. Maybe it’s all the years of art school. Critiques were just that, but they were satisfying. Constructive criticism really works for me.

Of course, I don’t really trust compliments, period.

So if you pay me a compliment and I mumble a thanks and then can’t bear to look you in the eyes? It’s because I don’t believe you and feel like you must be teasing me. Honestly. It’s not a ploy to get more attention or a show of false modesty. I’m not looking for you to compliment me MORE. The bigger the praise, the less I believe it.

So anyway, it went well according to what the audience was willing to tell me. You may interpret it to your liking.

Aug 01 2007

Incompetence

AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!

I was SUPPOSED to have a new Wacom Graphic Tablet TODAY, but y’know what I got? HMM? I GOT A GIANT BOX FULL OF PACKING PAPER! PAPER! THAT’S NOT A TABLET, ASSHOLES!!!!

GIVE ME MY TABLET! NOW!!!