Jan 15 2008

He’s a doctor, not an artist. Or is he…?

I went to a new doctor today. My old doctor closed her practice, so I went to the guy who replaced her (he’s Egyptian, not Indian! Because you thought he was Indian, right? Cause he’s not- he’s Egyptian*).

There’s a history of thyroid problems in my family, and last year I had started to get tested to check for problems but, because of financial issues, I never followed through to find out if there’s actually anything wrong.

He looked at my thyroid ultrasound, hooked me up to an ekg, and asked me a bunch of questions. And then he started drawing.

I’m not sure who his patients are other than me, but apparently he feels that we all need illustrations to go with his explanations. I think I could have understood everything without the visual aids, but it was amusing to watch him draw, so I just let him go. I considered lifting the sketches as I left the exam room, but I wasn’t sure if he would get pissed about me posting his artwork on the internet, so I have re-created them for your viewing pleasure.

First, we have my heart.
I never knew my heart had such a luxurious mustache, but… whatever! And please note: I DO NOT have a pacemaker. I’m unclear about why that particular detail was included. Also note that my doctor used much more appropriate language than “stuff,” but I do not have a medical degree and so will leave it at that.

It seems that my heart has a minor abnormality. A few of the fibers leading to the right side are blocked (as seen on the drawing). But, as that side is “unimportant,” there’s no need to worry at this time. It’s just the blood flow to my lungs, after all. No biggie!

Then we discussed my thyroid:
Frankly, I don’t remember much of what he said after he drew this picture, as I was doing my best not to die of internal sniggering. Hi! I’m 12!

The dark spots are two tiny little nodes on my thyroid that probably mean just about nothing. I basically got the impression that I should “stop your damn whining, you whiny hypochondriac, you!” I was specifically told that he had “seen MUCH worse!” That’s all I need- a one-upping doctor.

So I’m going in for blood work later this week to determine the actual levels of my T4 and T3 hormones. Gosh, I love needles SO MUCH! I just CAN’T WAIT!!!

(*The first thing he said to me when he walked in was “Hi. I’m doctor _____. Because we’ve just met, what nationality do you think I am?”
Me: Uh… I didn’t really give it any thought.
Him: You thought I was Indian, right? Because I’m not. I’m Egyptian. Did you think I was Indian?
Me: I didn’t really think about it at all, actually.
Him: Oh. Really? Because I’m Egyptian.)