Mar 17 2008

Can You Get Diabetes Over a Weekend?

Also this weekend, we went to a movie. I don’t even know the last time we saw a movie in the theater. Usually we feel dumb about spending so much money to go on a “date” to a movie for people over 10 years old when we could sit at home and not talk to each other in the dark for free. But I’d been itching to go, for some reason, and I thought “Hey! We’ll go to a kid’s movie! And we’ll take Cole! And I’ll get my movie fix and we won’t have to futz with a babysitter or anything!”

And then, FOR MONTHS, there weren’t any kid’s movies that I would ever take my kid to . Until this weekend when Horton Hears a Who came out.

And so we went, and dragged my parents along with us, which is one of the delightful things that they have to endure get to enjoy with us living in the same little town.

We got popcorn and, caving to a craving, a bucket of cherry coke (which is the ONLY acceptable movie-theater drink). I also snuck in candy because I wanted some and OH MY GAWD! How can they charge those prices for a box of CANDY which would cost A DOLLAR anywhere else?! So yes- I brought my own.

I got Good and Plentys, Whoppers, and Junior Mints, because I was pretty sure the only adult who would share with me was my mom and we like the same candies. Except SHE, the silly woman, went out and bought Snickers miniatures, also to share. So here we were, each with our own stash of illicit candy, each wanting to share, but with a toddler stationed between us. A very observant toddler with candy radar. So, of course, we each sat and ate our own candy. I was actually very good, and only ate about a third of the small box of Good and Plentys.

But that meant that the candy came home with me.

I don’t keep candy in the house for lots of reasons, and not a small one that if there is candy on my property, I will know it and it will call to me with its siren song until I break and binge.

The candy was purchased on Saturday afternoon. The candy is already gone.

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The Horton movie? It was adorable. Nothing deep or life-changing or any of that nonsense, but it was just a really cute family movie. And Cole only wiggled a little, which is saying a lot for an almost-2.5-year-old.

Mar 17 2008

Geyneus

I was roaming WalMart yesterday (I’m not proud of it, but- yo- I live in a town with no Target. Weep for me.), trying to go fast and getthefuckouttathere , when I happened upon this scene:

The setting: “Sports” Department, Ammo Case
The Characters: Young Man 1 and Young Man 2. Both characters have heavy southern accents which are either fake or the fellas are recent transplants from far far away (this being the central foothills of California).

Young Man 1: …Fourty-Fahve, Fourty-Siyux, Fourty-Sevuhn, Fourty-Ayuht, Fourty-Nahn. I hayve fourty-nahn dollurs.

Young Man 2: Wahl I hayve siyux.

***pause***
Young Man 1: Thayut’s Fifty-Fahve.

Young Man 2: Dang! Yore uh Geyneus.

Young Man 1: C’mon- leyt’s puht that togaythur ‘n leyt’s go.

(End Scene)

Does this quite capture how hilarious this was? I doubt it. Damn, but you just had to be there, I guess. However, ever since then, I have been using their accent in my head. It’s like they triggered some deeply buried southern hick in me that had been in remission since I left Tennessee at the age of 3.

It still didn’t make me like WalMart any more, though.