May 28 2008

Really Really


See! I have my happy face on today. Sure, it’s a face that was too tired for makeup, and yes, I probably could stand to suck it up and use some visene already, and darnit, I really thought my teeth were a little whiter than that, and straighter (fucking worthless orthodontist), but inside I’m doing alright. It was a 24 hour bummer bug, I guess, not to be confused with a 24 hour bum bug. Very different, though neither much fun.

And my eyes always look that crazy. I just can’t help it.

May 28 2008

Why It’s Not

Not depression in a clinical sense, that is, and why I feel like it trivializes real depression to try to compare it to that by calling it the same thing:

It’s not constant.

My “depression” comes and goes. I don’t see anyone for it, and I don’t take drugs. It can last a couple of days, but usually no more than a week, and it is monthly at its most frequent.

On my “good days” I feel fine. My happiness is not a front, and I genuinely take joy in the world.

I have never contemplated suicide.

For those major reasons, I don’t feel like it’s clinical depression, and I don’t feel the need to see anyone or medically control it. Would I like it to stop? Absolutely. Am I willing to go back on an anti-depressant to do it? Absolutely not. If it were something that overshadowed the majority of my life, or something that was significantly affecting my family, then I would be willing to seek help, but I don’t think I’m anywhere near that now. I’m not discounting the helpfulness of doctors or medicine, I just don’t feel that it’s necessary at this point for me.