Jun 30 2008

Weekend Update- Seems To Be All I Can Write Anymore…

The “Maybe” thing? A NO. A big, fat, disappointed, sad, and definite NO. And, oh fucking hell, did it make Thursday one big ass-suck of a day. I did my part and made sure those who love me felt it, too, because I care. Wait… no. Because I suck. That’s it.

Don’t worry- I’m not spiraling again. I’m really doing okay. I’ve had a great lot of disappointment so far this year, and I’m developing a kind of emotional “sinus fatigue” about it all. That’s okay- it’s irrational stuff to begin with, so I don’t really need to be feeling it.

And this past weekend was very nice. The smoke lifted a bit, giving us a chance to recall what comfortable breathing feels like. John and I took Cole to see Wall-E on Saturday and a delightful time was had by all… for about 90% of the time. We took a toddler to a movie and got what we expected, pretty much. He sat (mostly) still for, like I said, about 90% of the show until he had to go run some stairs. We did our best to keep him as little of a distraction to other movie-goers as possible, but… What can I say? You have to expect a few KIDS at a KID’S movie shown at 10:45 AM. Nobody seemed too put out.

Yesterday was John’s 29th birthday, and Cole and I made him blueberry pancakes for breakfast. Cole got his first lesson in the “Pans on the stove are fucking HOT” category with a small burn on the inside of his forearm. He hardly noticed and was jazzed that I let him have a bandaid, so it’s all good there.

That afternoon, we went to a Habitat for Humanity Sponsor thank you dinner (we’re, sadly, not sponsors, but the company we work for is) and now I have a serious bug up my butt to work on the next house they’re building. Habitat is pretty awesome.

John wanted pizza and cupcakes for dinner, so I bought pizza and made cupcakes from scratch. We were all pretty happy with that, diets be damned.

And last Friday I moved my office. I now have a REAL office with a whole DOOR and still have a window. I can’t really ask for more! It’s one of the nicest offices in the whole building. No complaints!

Today is the 7th anniversary of my actual wedding party (not my legal wedding and not when John and I felt we were married… Complicated enough for ya?!). John and I have actually been together nearly 12 years now. It’s certainly not always been easy, but it’s still completely worth it.

I love you, John! You are so very special to me, and I need to let you know that more often. Happy anniversary, my darling.

Jun 24 2008



I’m trying to not think about it too much.


Jun 23 2008

I’ll just call him SparklePants.

My eyes sting like hell today, my knee is pinching like a sonofabitch, I can’t stop burping (though, perhaps cutting back on the seltzer water would help that one), my head aches, my neck aches, and my belly feels really wrong.

There are fires across California (which could explain my stinging eyes), none of which, luckily, are directly threatening me. George Carlin has died, and I really did think he was pretty great, as a social commenter if nothing else.

And my poor little baby got a boo-boo on his pee-pee this weekend from the mesh inside his bathing suit. There was blood and everything! That was a fucking freak out, let me tell you, to see blood on my child’s diaper. But he’s fine now. Nothing liberal slatherings of neosporin couldn’t cure.

And yet…

Hanging out with this dude sure makes the world seem a little shinier.

Jun 16 2008

Shaving the Mutt. Not a Euphamism, But It Probably Should Be.

Our poor dog, Yoko, is a mutt. As far as we know, she’s rottweiler, german shepherd, and some kind of terrier. She’s a good but troubled dog. She also has a fuck-ton of hair. Like, three dog’s worth. Way more than a black dog living in the heat of California ought to.

And it’s really heating up around here. It’s been in the high 90′s for about a week now. My poor pooch has been feeling it, too. So I thought that, as an good adequate dog owner, I should do something to help her out. I went to the store and bought an electric hair trimmer.

Only, the one meant for dogs was super expensive, and I couldn’t figure out why it was any better than the one meant for humans, which was cheaper, so I got the human one.

I now realize that it’s perhaps because humans normally don’t have three layers of hair.

Of course, it took a little trial and (a lot of) error to come to that realization.

I now have a bald-ass dog. Truly.

Sorry, Yokie.

Jun 12 2008

Closets, Poop, Balls, Ass, Chicks, and Bad Incest Jokes*

I had NO IDEA that my insignificant, ugly closet would be such a source of fascination for y’all. Honestly, I’m thrilled that it’s organized now and all, but it’s still not THAT great. I mean, really- it’s not even a walk-in.

But here you go:


Now I feel dumb, because you’re all like “she was excited about THAT P.O.S.?!”

So here’s something I’m always excited about: my darling son having a great time.

I’m sorry, sweetie-boo, but I gave you a swirly to PROTECT you!

Those are his cousins, not just some random chicks he picked up at the bowling alley bar.

(Keepin’ it in the family, yo.)

And yes- this was at the bowling alley.

Here’s where he was contemplating how fascinating balls can be.

(Check out the rawkin’ mural in the backgound. Tuo Co Represent! Dead tree stumps! WOOT!)

And here’s the exciting part- when the alley attendant showed me a little ass:

Work it, you be-mulleted, hot-thang you!

Ahem… Where were we?

Ahhh yes… And here is when Cole went off to pout in the corner because he was not allowed to fondle the big balls. Also, he was pooping. Whee!

And I’m not really sure how to wrap this one up…

Have a good night!

(*Could that be my ENTIRE BLOG wrapped up in one sentence? Do you think it should go on my business card?)

Jun 09 2008


I feel good today. I feel strong and confident, smart and sexy. I am comfortable being me today, and that’s rare.

I’m not intending to brag, it’s just that I so often vent about how I don’t feel good about myself, or how “depressed” I am. It feels nice to share about a day when I feel awesome.

I’ve also had some news in the past few days that makes me see how good my life is; how lucky I am to be me right now.

I think I’ll try to bask in it for a while. Who knows when it will come again.

Jun 09 2008

I infect you.

I have infected my sister with the lolcat disease, but it has mutated. She is now producing lolColes.

(Though I now notice that she has forgotten the “r” in Cheeseburger. Cole is not yummy like cheeseboogers, for the record. Cheeseboogers. Heheheh…)

Jun 06 2008

Stroke=Not Funny. I know that.

I know that some (maybe all) of you will hate me for this, and I know it’s really not funny, and it’s entirely possible that I’ve been spending WAY too much time contemplating Zombie attacks lately, but the only thing I could think of when I saw this in the emergency cards at my first aid/cpr class last night was…

Jun 04 2008

In the Closet

Last Saturday I re-did my closet. See, my closet (which I have no before pictures of- bad blogger! Bad!) was a horrendous mess. Everything hung from one pole across and there was a shelf for my winter sweaters on the top. My shoes were all jumbled in two bins and on the floor at the bottom.

But then I got really, really lucky.

Cole’s daycare providers are really lovely people, but they have a little… umm… pack-rat problem. Maybe more than a little. Maybe even they have piles of brand-new, unopened, beautiful STUFF lying along every wall in their house. And on every table. And the couches. It’s pretty bad. Not unsafe for the kids in any way, and there’s not a single piece of dust or junk or trash to be seen, but DAMN! I’m a pretty cluttered person, and I could NEVER live like that.

So, a couple of years back they re-did a closet, but they purchased too much of the closet system stuff and couldn’t take it back. The really nice closet system stuff, because they only get the best.

Can you see where this is going?

Yeah- I got a whole new, beautiful closet for $10- the cost of the one part that they didn’t have in the box.



Jun 03 2008

It’s None Of Your Business.

I’ve heard of this happening to other women, but I’ve only just had it start happening to me: strangers asking me when I’m going to have another child.

Even more, I’ve had several people tell me, after I’ve answered that I’m not sure if/when we’ll have another, that I had better “get crackin’.” To which I say… nothing. Because I’m trying to be less hostile in real life.

What I would like to say is this:

  1. Fuck you.
  2. Why do you care?
  3. What, am I expiring or something? Do I go bad in 6 months? Damn- I sure wish somebody had thought to read my label! I never knew I had to be refrigerated after opening!
  4. Maybe I’ve been “crackin’.” Did you think of that? Maybe I have serious fertility problems. Maybe I’ve been having miscarriages. Maybe having you tell me to “get crackin’” will make me go home and cry for hours. Did you think of that? Wait… Did you think AT ALL?
  5. And when did 28 become OLD?!
  6. Who’s schedule are we on, anyway? And why didn’t I get a copy? Is there a gantt chart?
  7. Really, it’s none of your business.
  8. Why do you care?
  9. Fuck you.

So much for reducing my hostility.