Aug 15 2008

Boys Have Penises, Girls Have Mmphmms

Cole walked in on me the other morning as I was climbing out of my shower. Before I grabbed my towel. He pointed at my… um… “lower half” and said “What’s that?” Erm…

This isn’t the first time this has happened. The first time he asked, I told him “that’s just mommy” and he was willing to let it drop. This time, however, that explanation didn’t sit so well.

“This Cole’s penis, Mom. That you penis?”
“No. Mommy doesn’t have a penis. You and daddy have penises.”
“Daddy have penis?”
“That mommy’s penis?”
“No, babe. Mommy does not have a penis.”
“Mommy not have penis?”
“No, baby. Mommy doesn’t have a penis.”
“Then what that?”
“That’s just mommy. Hey! Want to watch a movie?!”

So yeah. I avoided it. I was mere seconds away from saying fuckit and giving him the “Girls have vaginas and boys have penises” line, but all I could imagine was his daycare provider’s face when he yelled that one out in front of all of the kids the next day. I’m not ready for that.

But, at the same time, I don’t want to lie to him. Nor do I want to give him silly names for body parts. I want to be unashamed that I have a vagina. Not that I want to flaunt it and give him details about the inner workings of the female anatomy (not yet anyway, though I do think that all men and women should know these things before being sexually active), but I don’t want to treat “vagina” as if it’s a dirty word, either. Why am I being such a chickenshit?

So I’m turning to you. Have you gone through this? How did you handle it? Any tips for what to say to his daycare provider when she’s pissed that Cole’s been leading lectures on anatomy?

Aug 14 2008

For Shame

Last week, John and I received a little financial windfall. It was completely unexpected and, considering we’ve pretty much been staying out of major debt (I don’t count our mortgage or student loans as real debt- if I did, I’d go crazy…ier), it was kind of burning a hole in our pocket. We hadn’t been planning what we’d do with extra money because we never expected to have any.

It wasn’t enough to do something huge with, like take an awesome vacation or replace our roof, but we also felt like doing something fun. I mean, we hardly even go out to eat anymore. Money around here is for paying bills and buying groceries most of the time. It was kind of nice to have the ability to be frivolous for once.

So we bought a tv.

The tv we had was purchased in about 1999, I think, as a christmas present to me. It was a 27″ or so, tube tv, and was starting to show some signs of its advanced age. To be fair, I think it was holding up pretty well for a 9 year old tv.

The tv we purchased, and have been enjoying since Saturday evening when we got a bug up our butts and drove over an hour to get to the nearest Costco, is a 32″, HD, plasma job. We got a really good deal on it according to all of our research.

And we were really excited about it and, like I said, have been really enjoying the beautiful picture.

Except… I still feel kind of dirty for using the money that way. I’ve had serious buyer’s remorse ever since. I look at the backyard and think “we could have saved up to get real-live grass instead of dog urine soaked dirt and dead weeds.” I imagine giving Cole’s savings account a money injection like we’ve never been able to give. I think about replacing the roof and buying new fixtures and getting a dryer that actually dries.

I think about all of these practical things and I feel like a total asshole for spending money on something we so obviously didn’t need.

And then I try to get over it because it’s a done deal. Easier said than done, though.

What do you think? Is it morally reprehensible to spend a windfall on something fun? Am I right to want to kick myself whenever I think of it?

If $500 (that’s not what we got- it’s just a nice number) dropped into your lap right now, what would you do with it?

Aug 13 2008

One More Thing

Sshhhhh! Don’t tell the universe I told you, but Cole peed in the potty for the first time last night! Yay, Cole!

Aug 13 2008


One of the more beautiful things I’ve read in a long time. I suggest any and all go check it out, but especially if you’re a parent.

Aug 13 2008

Fat Is Delicious.

But first- an aside. WOW, y’all! You rock on with your furious, protective selves! I was afraid I was going too far with the kneecapping, but apparently I’d barely even brushed the surface of doctor-directed rage out there. SWEET! I knew you loved me. But I’m also just a little afraid of you now…

Cupcakes. I love cupcakes. In fact, one of my favorite moments at BlogHer was while having cupcakes up in Isabel Kallman’s room (who may be one of the nicest, most gracious hosts I’ve ever met). Those were some good cupcakes, only improved by the fact that they looked like little boobies. So cute!

But cupcakes, in general, are good shit. I prefer a good cupcake to a slice of full-sized cake any day. Perhaps it’s all in my head (that happens a lot), but they just taste better.

I am a subscriber to Bon Appetit magazine, and I love it. In the last issue, among many other as-yet untried (but delicious sounding!) recipes, they had one for Key Lime Cupcakes.

Oh HELL yes!

I wanted to make these as mini-cupcakes, but I don’t actually own a mini-cupcake pan.
Oh- pardon me a second *cough*birthdayonAugust20th*cough* Wow! Tickle in my throat. I apologize!**
Anyway… So I made do (sigh) and made 12 regular sized cupcakes as the recipe says to. However, I did not add the green food dye. I have a problem with adding unnecessary ingredients to my cooking. It just seems wrong.

Despite my omission, these cupcakes were some of the best I’ve had IN MY LIFE. They are moist and dense, yet still manage to be fluffy and light-tasting. The frosting is equally delicious, though next time I think I will cut down on the butter. It makes more than enough frosting for all 12 cupcakes. In fact, I think I may have to bake more just to use the frosting up. Can’t let it go to waste! I will say that I did nearly double the amount of lime juice in the cupcake batter. It didn’t hurt the consistency any, and I like lime a lot, so… why not?! Next time I may try to add a little coconut milk into the frosting. Mmmm… Lime and coconut…

Huh? Wha…? I am NOT drooling. Shut up!

Run! Make them! I think they’ll make you happy. Just turn your head when you add the butter- that way the calories don’t count! Delicious, invisible, fat calories… Mmmm…..

**I don’t really want mini-cupcake pans for my birthday. I can buy those for myself relatively guilt free. What I DO want, and cannot buy for myself without feeling the burning guilt of a thousand catholic grandmothers, is something from here. I’ve been drooling over certain pieces for DAYS now. SO GORGEOUS. Not that I expect to ever get anything, but a girl can dream…

Aug 12 2008


Cole has suddenly (at least, it seems like it to me) learned his ABC’s and developed an interest in singing them (he used to yell for me to be quiet whenever I tried. Little bum.).

Last night, as I was putting him to bed, we sang through it twice. Each time, right after he got through the “ellemenohpee” part, he pointed to his diaper-region and announced “Mom! This my Pee!”

Well… at least we have the body-awareness down.

Aug 12 2008

Dr. (Insert Nasty Expletive Here)

Do you all remember earlier in this year when I had to see a clinic doctor because I was starting to get shingles again? Right- it was bad.

So yesterday I started feeling the all-too-familiar twinge of an imminent urinary tract infection. I used to get them a lot, years ago, but haven’t had one in a very long time. Still, that feeling isn’t one that you easily forget.

Sadly, my NP only works on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and it turned out that my OB/GYN had decided that this week would be just perfect for her vacation. How lovely for her.

So I drove down to the clinic again because it was the only place where I knew I wouldn’t need an appointment and I was NOT going to wait another night to get meds for this.

And can you guess what happened next? That’s right- I got the same fucking doctor.

This time, I thought I should mention that I might be very newly pregnant just in case it would make a difference to what medication he’d prescribe. He looked at my chart and told me that the nurse had run a pregnancy test ( I told her NOT to), and that I wasn’t. I told him that there’s no way it would have shown up in a pee test because it would be that early. I am not one or two days past my period, I am one or two days past likely OVULATION. There’s no pee test in the WORLD that would pick that up. I just want to be on the safe side.

He literally huffed and ROLLED HIS EYES at me.

Excuse me, motherfucker? Isn’t this MY BODY we’re talking about? Gosh- I’m SO sorry that I caused you to think for a couple more seconds before writing my prescription. I’m sure that was very taxing for you. Oh and one more thing? FUCK YOU AND YOUR SCHLUMPY SHOES.

So I got to the pharmacy and, after having both prescriptions filled, I briefly explained to the pharmacist what was going on and asked if the drugs were safe. He told me that the antibiotics were totally fine, but that I should try not to take the other because it can cross over to a fetus.

Yeah. You heard right. Not only did he roll his fucking eyes at me, but he then went ahead and totally ignored me.

So what do you all think I should do? Should I find some way to complain, or should I just drive over in a ski mask and kneecap him?

Aug 08 2008

5 Out Of 9 Is… A Good Start, Anyway!

Cole is fascinated by planets, which I think is awesome. We discovered recently that, thanks in part to the fact that we hung planets from his ceiling, and part due to his love of The Magic School Bus, he knows the names of 5 out of 9 (yes, we still believe in Pluto in this house) planets of our solar system. He’ll even sing you a song that goes kind of like this:

“Jupiter has a red spot and Earth is where we live.”

His new favorite thing at bedtime is to go through and name the planets one by one. Over and over and over and… well, he’s 2.5- you get the picture, I’m sure.
Untitled from Heels on Vimeo.

Try again? Well… okay. But just because you’re so dang cute (and daddy filmed the stupid planets instead of your sweet face)!
Untitled from Heels on Vimeo.

Aug 07 2008

Petty Annoyances

I rarely talk about my work here. I’ll tell you right now that I’ll never talk about it in specifics (despite most of my readers knowing me in real life and already knowing where I work) until the day I’m ready to quit. So probably never (as annoying as it gets sometimes, it’s a damn good job, especially for this area). But I have to vent for just a moment this morning.

You see, I do business development, a large part of which , for my company anyway, is putting together proposals. A proposal recently came up that I didn’t think was that great of an opportunity, but I put it through the review process anyway. It would have been due on Monday.

Two days ago (already too late to do a proper job, in my estimation) I gave someone here a list of arguments for why we shouldn’t bother going for it. He was still pushing for going forward, but hadn’t officially given the okay yet.

This morning I got a call saying never mind, with EXACTLY the list of arguments against that I had given TWO DAYS AGO, and given as though they were original to him.

What am I, stupid?

Whatever. I’m fine with the outcome- less stress for me!

Aug 06 2008

It’s a Nutty Day…

…so all you get it this. And you’d better LIKE it, too!