Aug 25 2008

And So

And so I cleaned. It happens occasionally.

The stress builds up and I start to lose it over all of the things I can’t control, and so I take back control over those things I can.

The chaos had gotten to be too much. I could overlook it when I was feeling okay, but when everything else went crazy, my ocd took over.

So yesterday I cleaned. I organized Cole’s room, I scrubbed all of the baseboards in the house, I de-nastified the shower, I washed all of the bathroom rugs, I did several other loads of laundry, including the towels that had been sitting there forever, I picked everything off of our bedroom floor and vacuumed the crap out of it. When the vacuum started to smell funny, I even turned it off and pulled out every piece of hair/string/floss that had been wrapped around the beater bar. I scrubbed the toilets- even the backsides.

And last night, for just a little while, I sat in my newly very clean room and played my guitar, exploring bits of the “Guitar for Dummies” book I got for a dollar from the library on Saturday. And I felt really good. No headache- the only pain was from my fingertips re-callousing and the bruise on my ankle that I got from smacking into the rocking chair. No guilt- I worked so hard that I was more than deserving of a break. No sadness- my house was clean, my family was healthy and happy. Just me, my guitar, and the tablature for Neko Case.

And it was good.

This is a short week for me. I’ll be trying to leave with Cole Thursday morning for a 4-day music festival in the mountains. I’m taking my guitar.