Sep 19 2008


A glimpse at the bullshit I’ve been dealing with for too long. I’m so tired of this. (I wrote this letter, it was not to me.)

I have tried to be honest and answer questions you asked. Are you asking me to forget everything that you do that I disagree with every time? Part of love, to me, is knowing what is anomalous to someone’s behavior and forgiving and forgetting those actions, and knowing when that behavior has taken over and being the “asshole” that points it out. I have heard what you’ve said, and I really thought we were moving toward understanding each other better. I will say hurtful things to you, but ONLY when I really feel they are true. I have no reason to exaggerate or lie. I’m not asking you to defend yourself- I don’t need that from you. It seems like defending yourself is all you’ve done. Have YOU heard what I’VE said, instead of just being hurt by it? All of us being quiet and polite about our feelings is part of what led to this crap in the first place, so I won’t continue it- not when I feel there are still things to be worked out.

I know that your intentions weren’t bad. I know that you are human and make mistakes. I know the same about myself. I still get the feeling, though, that you aren’t willing to take responsibility for the parts you’ve played and the decisions you’ve made in your life. You aren’t just acted upon.

I know you love me, and I don’t know why you’d indicate that you think I don’t. I love you too.

Maybe I’m an asshole. Maybe I’m wrong. But this is how I feel right now. Apparently you’re not ready to hear what I have to say. Maybe it hurts and maybe you don’t want to respond because it’s too true. I don’t know.

I don’t really know what to say from here.