Oct 06 2008


The conference was good. Great, actually, and not nearly as emotionally wrenching as I anticipated, being so far from my boys. I think that mostly has to do with the women I went with (who were fantastic), how busy we were, and the serious sleep deprivation I endured.

The company I work for is in the process of implementing an ESOP- an Employee Stock Ownership Plan. It’s really very exciting. We need to do it to get through ownership transition (the current owners want to retire) without being bought out (and probably laid off) by some other huge competitor. But it’s also just cool- to have such an influence over the success of a company and to be able to turn around and see that success in terms of positive personal financial impacts… well, I think that’s pretty neat (especially when it isn’t costing me anything!). I’m on the communications committee for the company ESOP, so I, with two other co-workers, was chosen to attend this conference.

It was SO invigorating. I feel so much more enthusiastic and I have so many ideas about how we can successfully establish an “ownership culture” now. It was a really good way o jump me back into feeling good about work after the slump I’ve been in for the past few weeks.

But damn- it was so nice to get home! Cole kept touching my face as if he thought I might not be there. He also kept spontaneously announcing “I love you, Mom.” which was just about the nicest thing I could ever hope to hear (besides maybe “I love you, Mom. I’m now making millions as a legitimate businessman and want to take care of you the rest of your life.” That would be freakin’ sweet.).

Anyway… conference GOOD. Love GOOD. Home GOOD. Sleep GOOOOOD.

(ticknart- I didn’t get anything besides edumacated at the conference- it wasn’t that kind of conference.)

Oct 06 2008


My cell phone rings. I don’t get to it in time. I view the missed call. Mom. I don’t know what to think. Relief for accidentally missing it so that I don’t have to feel guilt for intentionally “missing” it? The phone buzzes in my hand, letting me know there’s a message.

“Just wanted to let you know that ground turkey is on sale at the store for $2 a package. I know you guys used to eat a lot of it, but I’m not sure anymore. Thought I’d let you know just in case. Love you, honey.”

I close my door and the tears slide.

I guess the mourning hasn’t stopped.