Apr 23 2009

Baby Boom

In my not terribly large circle of friends, 5 have had babies already this year. Three were becoming parents for the first time, one for the second, and one for the third.

That’s a lot of babies!

I also know of several people who are due later in the year, making a total of 9 babies born just to friends just this year alone.

I’ve been tracking everyone’s progress (from afar- not up in their business all of the time or anything) and all of my anticipation has been for others up to this point. Now that the final spring baby has been successfully pushed out, my thoughts are turning to one thing:

I AM NEXT.

I have the next closest due date. It’s my baby that I can be anticipating now. It’s my labor watch that others will be on. It’s my announcements that will come next.

This is alternately terrifically exciting and extremely terrifying. Sometimes it’s both simultaneously. I hate this part of pregnancy and I love it. This is still the part of having a child that I have the least control over, but it’s also a time of incredible possibility. I have to keep convincing myself to keep breathing, not panic, not over-think things, but also feel like I have to talk myself down from being TOO excited or attached to any one thing in case something goes wrong or doesn’t happen like I want it to.

Each time I think about how much time I have left (about 12 weeks), I think “Oh no- that’s TOO LONG. I’m so uncomfortable. I’ll never make it!” and “But I still have SO MUCH to do! There will never be enough time!” The remaining time, no matter how much there is, feels both interminable and non-existent.