Aug 18 2008


Based on the comments on my previous post about what I should tell Cole, I clearly need to grow the fuck up and gain a little maturity for my own self about genitalia. I assume most people know this about me, but I am terribly, horribly, completely-over-the-top self conscious. It’s BAD. Like, sometimes I can’t actually pay attention to conversations because I’m so concerned that I might smell or have something in my teeth. I do not normally enjoy myself around other people, mostly because I do not really enjoy myself.

So to have to talk to Cole about something about which I am embarrassed in a way that, hopefully, doesn’t convey to him just how mortifying it is? Is huge. Cole is unendingly observant, and fully willing to point out just how red my face is turning.

But I know it has to be addressed some time, and probably soon. With this pottying thing (which is going SO WELL! He even TOLD us that he needed to pee! HUGE STEPS, people!), the places where pee comes out are sort of in the spotlight. I also don’t particularly take huge measures to hide my naked self from him. Not that I run jiggling around the house all the time (the bouncing is kind of uncomfortable), but I like to be able to walk around in my own bedroom and bathroom freely, no matter the state of my attire (or lack thereof).

But it’s really this vagina thing that’s getting to me. Boobs didn’t phase me. We call them “babas,” because he asked about them so early that he couldn’t really say the word “breasts” (heck- he probably can’t quite say it now). But here’s the thing about boobs- everybody likes them. I mean, don’t you? You don’t exactly get the same kinds of jokes about boobs that you do about vaginas. In my life, apparently, I have taken those “jokes” to heart (not that they’ve even been made about me, but still…).

I also have my very own, special mixed feelings about my own vagina (fuck- I even have a hard time admitting that I have one, though I think you’ve all figured that out for yourselves by now). How weird is it that I have a problem teaching my son that word, but I have no problem admitting to near-strangers that Cole ripped the crap out of me coming out and that my stitches looked (or so the nurse said- I didn’t look) like a smiley face? Hi! I’m smiley-face crotch and I’m happy to see you!

I’ll give you a moment to stop gagging.

(And see- there I go again. Assuming that you’ll be disgusted because it involves a vagina.)

So here we go- Self? Dear Danielle? Darling 29 (on Wednesday!) year old woman? KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF AND ACT YOUR AGE. Vaginas are not disgusting, yours included. It’s just a part of your body and will remain so no matter how much you try to disown it. EVERYONE already knows you have one! Most of them still are willing to talk to you! You talk to other women all of the time without giving ONE SINGLE THOUGHT to the state of their vaginas. They have a similar lack of concern about yours! So fucking get your head straight (possibly try to fish it out of your ass first) and teach your son what you know is right. It’s one little word. Don’t further the vagina disrespect.

And, in the future, realize that it shouldn’t take comments on your dumb blog for you to do what is right.


  • By Jami, August 19, 2008 @ 10:29 am

    I’m so proud of you! Our little girl is growing up! Sometime soon we need to sit down and have a talk about your time of the month and boys and where babies come from.

    (Sorry – couldn’t resist!)

  • By HeatherPride, August 19, 2008 @ 12:20 pm

    Ah, don’t give yourself a hard time. I’m still trying to figure out what to do when my preschooler (boy) enters the bathroom with all his bath toys when I’m in the tub. Do I get out? Stay in? Let him in with me? It wasn’t a big deal when he was little but now he’s getting kind of…..oldish…

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