Jun 03 2008

It’s None Of Your Business.

I’ve heard of this happening to other women, but I’ve only just had it start happening to me: strangers asking me when I’m going to have another child.

Even more, I’ve had several people tell me, after I’ve answered that I’m not sure if/when we’ll have another, that I had better “get crackin’.” To which I say… nothing. Because I’m trying to be less hostile in real life.

What I would like to say is this:

  1. Fuck you.
  2. Why do you care?
  3. What, am I expiring or something? Do I go bad in 6 months? Damn- I sure wish somebody had thought to read my label! I never knew I had to be refrigerated after opening!
  4. Maybe I’ve been “crackin’.” Did you think of that? Maybe I have serious fertility problems. Maybe I’ve been having miscarriages. Maybe having you tell me to “get crackin’” will make me go home and cry for hours. Did you think of that? Wait… Did you think AT ALL?
  5. And when did 28 become OLD?!
  6. Who’s schedule are we on, anyway? And why didn’t I get a copy? Is there a gantt chart?
  7. Really, it’s none of your business.
  8. Why do you care?
  9. Fuck you.

So much for reducing my hostility.

6 Comments

  • By ticknart, June 3, 2008 @ 2:17 pm

    Makes me think of MAD’s “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.”

    Thank you for this bit of funny.

  • By heels, June 3, 2008 @ 2:32 pm

    TOTALLY like that.

  • By Jami, June 4, 2008 @ 9:19 am

    First, reducing hostility is an unrealistic and unhealthy goal. Honey, fling that shit! You’ll feel better.

    Second, the answer to “When are you going to have another child?” is:
    “What? I’ve had mine. Now it’s Hubby’s turn. When he has his, then it will be my turn again.”

    You’re welcome.

  • By Anonymous, June 5, 2008 @ 7:51 am

    Do you read Megan’s blog (the girl who used to be on TechTV)? She wrote an entry similar to this once, about how when she and her husband were dating, everyone asked “When are you getting married???”

    So finally they got married, and everyone asked, “When are you having a kid???”

    So they did have a kid, and thinking everyone would shut up now, they asked, “When are you going to have another one??”

    You can’t escape it. I like your responses though.

    (BTW I’m still at the “When are you getting married??” stage, and I’m just a couple of years younger than you.)

  • By Katie, June 6, 2008 @ 12:13 pm

    A pert chart might be more useful to you.

    Or you could diagram your ovulations on that gantt chart and mark each one as personal program milestone for everyone to see. You could carry it around with you and everytime someone asked you could roll it out on the floor and share your personal business. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

  • By em, June 9, 2008 @ 8:45 am

    All I have to say is you better get crackin’! You aren’t getting any younger and I need another niece/nephew. Where is this ovulation chart? I wanna see it!

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