Jan 30 2008

You Know You’re a Parent When…

Your precious, 2-year-old son is riding on your shoulders and, in his sudden and irrational fear that you will drop him (which has NEVER EVER HAPPENED), he reaches forward and uses your eye-socket as his finger-hold on your head. As much as this hurts (and it really fucking hurts, let me tell ya), you freeze with indecision about whether to let go of your grip on your son and drop him or save your eyeball. The standstill is only broken when your son switches his grip to your ear.

I know I’m a parent.


  • By Jami, February 1, 2008 @ 7:36 am

    Your only hope is that they will utilize your nostrils instead of your eye sockets. Besides, if they rip out a nostril, you’ll be able to breathe easier cuz there will be a bigger hole.

    I’m a parent, too – although I’m not breathing any easier.

  • By heels, February 1, 2008 @ 8:33 am

    I could do without breathing easier if that’s the way I would have to go about it.

  • By Maggie, February 10, 2008 @ 7:36 pm

    It is when we realize something which they (=kids) have known all along; we do belong to them so completely that getting mutilated is something we’d actually consider for a split second …

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