May 02 2009

Leveling

One day I will probably have to face my mother again and tell her that I have problems with her, but right now just doesn’t feel like the time.

She wrote to me, mentioning how she will be around for me after Roo is born, and I took the opportunity to create a cushion for myself. I told her that we wanted to have at least a week after she’s born for just the 4 of us, and that I had gotten numerous other offers of help for after that. I couched it in phrases like “it’s so nice that we have so many people who want to take care of us” and ” I won’t have to monopolize your time as much as I thought I would.” She reiterated her offer to help with anything, but I no longer feel like she is planning to be here all day every day. I will deal. I think this is the best outcome for this particular situation at this time.

And it’s amazing the stress that it has taken off of me. I was actually able to focus on other things today, like paying bills (when I’m stressed, I tend to avoid doing anything that might stress me more) and starting some sewing projects (when I’m stressed it also saps me of all creative energy). I also got a lot of laundry done. It feels good, all around.

I had a horrible dream last night that my midwife started to engage me in a theological debate while I was in labor. This is the first of the super-realistic dreams that I have had since very early on in my second trimester, which is different because I had them all the way through with Cole. Most of the ones that I had with Cole, though, were about John- John leaving me, kicking me in the stomach, cheating on me brazenly. This time, I haven’t had any bad dreams about him, none that I can remember anyway. I did have a dream about a week ago that I knew was a dream when I was having it and wasn’t terribly realistic, but was horrible, where I dropped Cole on his head from high up onto a concrete slab. I couldn’t get that one out of my head for a LONG, long time. It’s still horrible to recall.

But last night wasn’t really a nightmare, it was just… annoying. I couldn’t believe that my midwife would dare interrupt me mid-contraction to question my disbelief in god and Jesus as my personal saviour. I woke up convinced that my midwife hates my atheist ass and that I should try switching providers now, while I still maybe can. It took me quite a while this morning to get over the feeling, actually, which should let you know just how realistic it was.

But if my greatest worries are coming from dreams, I think I’m doing okay.

3 Comments

  • By Sizzle, May 3, 2009 @ 7:37 am

    I’m glad you took some steps towards the mom-situation. Being lessed stress is a good thing!

  • By HeatherPride, May 3, 2009 @ 5:23 pm

    Pregnancy dreams are definitely weird. With my last pregnancy I had a dream that I had an ultrasound and instead of a baby the doctor said there were 7 fish in there. When I asked him what kind they were he told me they looked like betas. I thought, at least they’ll be pretty.

    I’m sure your midwife has seen all kinds of mothers and will not be judgmental at all. Here’s to having a healthy pregnancy and baby!! I can’t wait to see!

  • By ticknart, May 4, 2009 @ 9:54 am

    Better her trying to have a theological discussion while you’re giving birth than treating it like an exorcism, right?

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