Sep 27 2007

The Biggest Reason

I have a problem with arguing for having another child by saying that the second will be a friend for the first. To me, that’s close to saying that the second will be a set of stand-by organs for the first (Drop-Dead Gorgeous, anybody?). It’s like the second only exists for the benefit of the first.

But my biggest argument is something rather similar, so I feel like something of a hypocrite for having a problem with the one and not the other.

It goes a little somethin’ like this:

One day (a day far, far in the future, I hope) John and I will die. Chances are that Our parents will be dead, too. Our siblings probably won’t be far behind, if they’re still around. Cole will be left with cousins, but who knows how close they’ll be. He won’t be left with anybody who will be able to commiserate with him and understand just what we meant to him (good things, I hope).

I know that my sister and I, despite our tremendous differences, have come together at times when we didn’t have our parents. We have always known that we would have each other, even when we were still biting and scratching each other in fights for a pencil sharpener (don’t ask).

Kids can find other friends when they’re growing up. Shit- sometimes siblings can even be your worst enemies! But, in my opinion, there is no replacement for real, blood-related family.

Some people may disagree with me, but my mind will not be changed. Sure, you can make your own family with people of your choice, but that’s the thing- they’re tied to you by CHOICE. I think the tie of blood is stronger.

It’s my family I turn to when I need painful honesty or whole-hearted support. Even if every other relationship in my life dissolved, I would have them.

I want to give Cole family, more than me and John who are 26 years older than he. I want him to have that harsh, unconditional love behind him. I want him to have another person who remembers us so that he is less alone when we go.



  • By ticknart, September 27, 2007 @ 12:25 pm

    Someone once told me that people who think this much about the whys of having children are really the ones who should be having most of them.

    I’m not really trying to be encouraging, or anything, I just (think) I know why kind of people you and your family are.

  • By Anonymous, September 27, 2007 @ 6:13 pm

    Great post. Growing up as an only child, I completely agree with you… nothing can compare to family. When my dad died, it was terrible, but I had my mom at least. When she goes, I’ll have no one, really. Of course I’ll have friends and other distant relatives, but that’s not the same, as you pointed out. If I ever have kids, I don’t want just one; it’s too lonely.

  • By sunShine, October 1, 2007 @ 10:34 am

    Great reasoning. I agree. I am glad that the babe has a sister, even if she is just his half-sister. I hope they will always have each other.

  • By The Princess, October 1, 2007 @ 3:45 pm

    That is basically my theory about having #2…I want someone here for Camille “just in case”.

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