Mar 29 2007

I’ll braid your hair…

I’d really like to have a good friend. Maybe even one of those BFF types I keep hearing about. That sounds pretty good.

Here’s the problem- I’m not a very good friend in real life. I’ve never had close friends and I don’t know how to be a good friend. I don’t know how to do the long phone calls and the girl’s nights out and the gossiping. Or whatever friends do.

I’m terrible at remembering birthdays, sending cards, asking about how things are going… Things just slip my mind.

And I’m opinionated, absent-minded, and can be a bit judgmental and prickly. I don’t deal well with certain viewpoints and I can be terribly intolerant of certain things.

My selling points are that I’m terrifically loyal; when I care, I care DEEPLY; I can be very generous (when I remember); I listen really well; and I give good backrubs. I also usually have good booze, food, and chocolate.

So the things that would possibly make me a good friend are not actually evident until you are my friend. That’s probably not helpful.

It would also be really cool if, for ONCE, the person who I’d like to be friends with didn’t live on the other side of the continent.

I’m trying here in town, but it always feels like I’m attempting to weasel into a group that’s been established for a really long time.

But maybe that’s what it takes- lots and lots of time.

Any suggestions?

6 Comments

  • By sunShine, March 29, 2007 @ 12:35 pm

    This is spooky. I think I wrote this post. I was contemplating writing the same thing for my Friday post. I need help finding a friend. You know the kind that has kids the same age as yours and you get together and do things together and take them to the park and make them endure hours at the mall just browsing and they just love playing together. I too am a bad friend and I know that is why I don’t have any close friends in the town that I live in. Also how do you meet someone? I feel like all I do is work and go home, when we do go to the park, there is usually no one there. I need help too. If you figure it out, let me know.

  • By The Princess, March 29, 2007 @ 8:35 pm

    How about both you and sunShine just move to Antarctica and we’d all be happy?

    Or realistically join a Mom’s Meetup group at http://www.meetup.com?

    I did, because I was in the same boat as you, and somehow it’s worked out well!

  • By Beth Fish, March 30, 2007 @ 6:49 pm

    Yeah, move here, we’ll be BFFs, I assure you.

  • By Alliya, April 2, 2007 @ 8:45 pm

    As a person that vacillates between friendlessness and silly amounts of social activity, acquiring friends is really just about asking people to do things, because we all feel like this. I also think you under estimate your fucking coolness. As I refer to you and John as “the couple/mother/father with the cherub looking son,” and it is always met with “oh, she/he/they was/were really awesome (or some other comparable adjective). You are opinionated and it’s fabulous, but because of that people assume you will choose them as a friend or not. As far as remembering birthdays, sending cards, etc. that is something that is on a individual basis. Some friends need that, and some friends do not. If you want to establish a relationship with someone, that is the stuff you have to remember. As you want them to be understanding of your suckiness at maintenance things, you have to be understanding toward their need for maintenance.

    Oh and, weasel away. They didn’t all magically become friends at once.

  • By em, April 3, 2007 @ 12:16 pm

    ohh big sister, I love you so much. Alliya’s so right, I don’t think you realize how badass you are. And being that you have a billion things on your plate, it’s not easy to make time to meet people or maintain something. It’s also really awkward before you know someone to hang out, but, like Alliya said (again, okay she’s brilliant) weasel away. I’ll be you BFF!

  • By Vinny, greatest Vampire, April 3, 2007 @ 12:29 pm

    How about changing the pink background? You never know, maybe that would help. Heh.

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