Mar 19 2009

“I’ve got a ticket come ride with me”

So I guess my 4-day work weeks officially start next week, and I’m- and this is somewhat unexpected- rather relieved and delighted, actually. I think things are going to work out really nicely, all things considered.

And, though I am riding the ridiculous loops of the pregnancy-hormone roller-coaster NON-STOP today, I am really loving that the internet exists, 1) because it’s helping me get my mind off of a few things and 2) because it’s giving me a lot of hope that I can have a different relationship with my daughter than I had with my mother, which is something that, down REALLY deep, I knew before, but it’s nice to see that others have managed it before me.

(Wow- was that all one sentence?)

My mother and I have continued to have a rocky relationship, though we are back on speaking terms. But I have decided that I will try to take the best of how she was a mother to me, and add all of those things that I have always felt were missing to the way I will parent my children. It’s all I can think to do, because no amount of fretting will change my childhood. I can just vow to do my best to be a good mother.

Speaking of good parenting (HA!), Cole managed to cut his own hair last night before I could stop him. He was lingering in the bathroom after using the toilet, and was awfully quiet, which immediately caught my attention. Suddenly, I heard a little *snick* and hollered “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!” Because I was in the middle of eating my dinner, John jumped up to check and yelled back “HE CUT HIS HAIR.” Shit.

So I got up to see the damage- which, as it turned out, was minimal and not at all obvious if you didn’t know what it looked like before- and John said “How did he even get scissors?”

Um… oops.

See, last weekend, he got a haircut from his barber. While I think she’s awesome and love that she only charges $10 for a cut, I HATE how she does Cole’s bangs. So on Tuesday night I had cornered him in the bathtub and trimmed just a little off the front to make them look more even.

And forgotten to hide the scissors again.

But at least he didn’t get far, and it gave us a chance to do the “NEVER EVER CUT YOUR OWN HAIR” talk without having to, like, shave his head or something because the damage was too bad. And it’s not like we were having family portraits done any time soon, anyway. So really- best-case scenario on this learning opportunity, I think.

What was I saying about trying to be the best parent I can be?

5 Comments

  • By Elizabeth, March 19, 2009 @ 1:51 pm

    I cut my own hair multiple times when I was little. I don’t know why, but little kids love doing it.

    My mom and I are barely on speaking terms right now. I humor her about once every three months, but thats about it. I know for myself that she has taught me a lot about being a parent ( mostly on how not to be), and when it comes time to be one myself I will be a better parent for it.

  • By heels, March 19, 2009 @ 1:59 pm

    I never cut my own hair, but I did cut my babydoll’s hair when I was about Cole’s age (good thing it wasn’t my sister’s hair, I guess!!), and was DEVASTATED when my mother told me that it would never grow back. Hair cutting is very satisfying in such a visceral way. I still enjoy it.

    I find it to be a very strange thing to be a woman who does not have a good relationship with her mother. In fact, I catch a lot of shit for it from unexpected places. It’s almost looked down upon, it seems, but I don’t really know why. Do you ever feel that way?

  • By nrp, March 19, 2009 @ 9:40 pm

    Recently Jonah and a friend came to me asking for scissors (never mind that there are plenty of scissors available to them in the kids’ art supplies), when I asked why, they said it was to cut hairs for their polyjuice potion… So I pulled a hair out from each of their head’s and potential disaster averted.

    My mom and I have always had a so-so relationship. We love each other, but we are very different in temperament and personality. She’s always had a harder time with this than I have. I know that if we lived closer and spent more time together and were more invested in each other’s day-to-day lives we would probably go through spells of not being on speaking terms. I sometimes feel envy towards mother-daughter pairs that I know who do have terrific relationships–though I think that for me that has more to do with the relationship my kids have with my mom (and how much that is shaped by the relationship that we have) than anything else.

    I really don’t know how all of this is going to work out between Hannah and me. I have a much harder time with her than I do with Jonah–we butt heads every day, and boy does she ever know how to push my buttons. I speak to her every day that she is wonderful, that she can do anything she sets herself to, that I see so many amazing qualities and strengths in her–things my mother never did for me–I think that’s a good place to start.

  • By Elizabeth, March 21, 2009 @ 10:08 pm

    I do get shit for it sometimes. I have had a lot of people tell me that my mom MUST mean well, and I should be thankful for everything she has done for me. Forgiveness is healing, and love is unconditional, etc. I feel like I am being judged unfairly, like its my fault we don’t have a good relationship. There are some people who don’t understand that there are mothers out there that make it impossible to have a healthy relationship with. Its annoying because its actually harder for me to set boundaries with her, and let her know that she is hurtful, then it is to just let her do what she has always done.

    Like I mentioned before, I will be a better parent because of it, and I am more then confident that Roo will adore you.

  • By HeatherPride, March 23, 2009 @ 7:43 am

    I hope that raising your daughter is a very healing experience for you, and I hope you two have a very close relationship! About Cole, well that is just hilarious!! You got lucky!

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