Nov 20 2006

What’s wrong with me?

I have this inner turmoil/anxiety/mild depression today. It started with hearing of the death of someone I don’t even know, but whose progress I had been tracking on this crazy internet thing. It happened on Friday. It’s the kind of tragic death that makes you want to hug your family and cherish every moment you have with them, telling them how much they mean to you all the time.

Then I got a call about how much our ignorance about ovens was going to cost us. $100 to $120 because we didn’t know better. It pissed me off. I called John and just wanted to be mad at him for not stopping jiggling the effing handle when I asked him to stop jiggling the effing handle already and, therefore, costing us $120 that could go toward a house of our own. I forgot all about the snuggly “forgive and forget and love your loved ones so hard that they’ll never doubt” feeling that I’d been having just minutes before. I just wanted to blame him.

I’m an asshole.

Is it redeeming at all that I know I’m an asshole? Probably not.

Really, as much as it sucks right now, the stupid $120 doesn’t mean anything. We’ll pay the fucking bill and forget about it. Not being mad at John is worth more than that.

So I am announcing my plan for self-improvement. No more passing the blame just because it hurts, because it hurts others, too. I’m taking responsibility for my laziness and forgetfulness and my other- many other- faults. I need to. They don’t belong to anyone else.

Maybe I should start a new feature here: Melancholy Monday. Yeah- THAT’S the way to keep your readers! Bum them the fuck out on a day that’s crappy already! YAY!!

You guys rock.

1 Comment

  • By sunShine, November 21, 2006 @ 9:28 am

    I hope your day got better! Mondays do suck, some more than others.

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