Sep 04 2003

I have been listening to Amy Mann a lot at work lately. If you don’t recognize the name, you should know her stuff from the Magnolia soundtrack. I have really started to like it. She has one song that says “Oh, for the sake of momentum…” I think it’s about me. No, we have never met and there is no way that she knows of me, but the song is definately about me. All the things in my life that have continued simply because “I’m almost finished!” I wasted two years on Child development- almost 6 years on college in general. Two years have gone to shoes- I barely even like shoes at this point. Sometimes I think I’ve wasted 24 years on life. What do I have to show for it? I have a crappy job, a crappy car, a crappy house… a fabulous husband. John is what I have, but how can you build a whole life off of one person who isn’t YOU? I need to get out of town. I need experiences that are more than workhomeeatsleepwork. This is a really hard time for me. John has so much to look forward to with Grad school. He has found something he really loves and it is in reach. I really want to go to art school, but that is about 6 years and 40,000 dollars out of my reach. And for what- an ART degree? What’s the point. I could be an artist with no degree at all and, with how much our society values art, there will be no teaching positions in a few years. Too late for me. Fuck it. I better fucking get used to retail. Doesn’t my future just glow?

(love to those who know they matter)

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