Sep 17 2009

9 Weeks

Right! Blogging! I have a blog!


So I guess this extended absence makes me a… oh what’s the word… yes- hypocrite. I would be pissed if the blogs I read took this much time off. Like “where’s my free entertainment, bitch? Where are the goddamn baby pictures?!”

But I am quite seriously a creature of habit, and it became my habit NOT to write and so I didn’t. And then didn’t some more.

And I am now back at work (though still at home with Rowan) and writing has an added element of guilt attached to it.

But I have to break out of my non-writing habit. I feel better when I write.

We are doing quite well these days. Rowan is 9 weeks old and over 14.5 pounds of chunky baby deliciousness. Her cheeks are so big that, when laid on her side when she’s hungry, she attempts to nurse on them. It’s a sight rather akin to watching someone trying to lick their own ear. She is also holding her head up pretty well now, except when she doesn’t and ends up slamming her little nose (which is totally going to look like John’s, by the way) into my collarbone, which HURTS, dontcha know.

Cole is starting to fit in nicely at his new pre-school and already has a best friend. He has the most awesome active imagination and frequently makes up songs and stories. His story the other day started “Once, long, long ago, in the future…” Awesome. He also declared, in the fine tradition of 3-year olds and engineers everywhere, that he is the RIGHTEST. Indeed.

(It literally took me a friggin WEEK to write this. When I started, the title was 8 Weeks.)

Aug 20 2009


Today is my 30th birthday.

The day started out right with a 4 am baby fussing fit. Just when I had gotten her back to sleep, Cole woke up. I sent him to his father.

Then, while dropping Cole off at school, I suddenly became aware of a stronger then usual infant poop odor and realized, upon returning to my car, that Rowan had managed to poop copious amounts out of the leg opening of her diaper and down the front of my black shirt. For a better visual here, please understand that a breastfed infant’s poop is bright golden-yellow and curdy. Delicious.

When I finally managed to get us both home, she had another fussing fit that ended with projectile spit-up in my ear. Then she pooped on me two more times.

But I did get an uninterrupted shower, a delicious apricot turnover, a hot cup of coffee, a nice lunch with my husband, and a lovely 1-hour massage with a hot-stone section thrown in as a birthday surprise from my masseuse, so my day has actually been quite lovely.

What can I say about being 30? Ummm… Well, I guess I thought I’d be smarter, but things are pretty good.

Aug 14 2009

3 Weeks

Because my typing has been mainly of the one-handed variety (because of baby-holding, nothing steamier!), I have been doing some updating on Facebook, but have been less enthused about taking the time to do anything here. But we’re still here and still doing great. Breastfeeding is still about as perfect as I ever could have hoped, and Rowan has become our little pork pie. Seriously- this kid is SO chunky. I’m fairly convinced that she’s over 10 pounds now. Every time I think about how big she’s getting, I do a little cheer for the boobs and then start singing the song from Madagascar 2:


She even growls at me if she thinks I’m trying to take the precious boobs away. She’s also not real fond of me putting her down. Ever. It makes housework interesting. Luckily, she seems to be increasingly okay with the sling.

And Cole, despite how much he clearly LOVES his “little sis,” has been a challenge. He’s looking for attention and he’ll take it any way he can get it, even if it means being a horrible little shit to me and John. We’re all still adjusting, and the fine tuning will take a while, no doubt. He’s still finding his place at his new school, too. He’s a little too fond of keeping tabs on everyone else’s behavior, the little policeman, and it has made him a bit unpopular with certain kids at times. Yesterday, for example, he was trying to stop another boy from taking too much toilet paper and the other boy bit him on the back. It has only been 3 weeks, though, and I expect that in another 3 weeks he’ll be far more settled, at home and at school.

Also a challenge has been my foot, the smallest toe of which I caught on the crib while trying to get to the bathroom to brush my teeth. It now seems that I did not break or dislocate it as I originally thought, but actually tore ligaments. It’s turning a lovely, mottled blue/purple. So just as I was walking normally and comfortably again, I can no longer walk normally or comfortably.

That does contain some good news though, if you know how to interpret it correctly: 2 weeks after having Rowan I was walking normally and comfortably again! Perhaps that doesn’t seem like much of a triumph, but considering that I was still not healed well a full 6 weeks after Cole, I am pumping my fist in victory to be this far along at 3 weeks post.

Jul 24 2009

+2 Days

So yes- most of you now know that on the 22nd I had my baby girl. Rowan Kysa is now already 2 days old.

And, oh my goodness, she is as gorgeous as I’d ever have let myself believe she might be. But her birth was one of the most torturous experiences of my life, and I feel luckier than I probably deserve that I had three of the most amazing people in the world there to help me through it. John, my midwife Ellie, and my midwife’s assistant Clea were unbreakable pillars for me, and without them I was pretty sure that I would have gone literally insane. To say that this birth was different than Cole’s is an hilarious understatement.

But we made it, and we managed at home and without meds despite the mind-bending pain and the complications that would have sent others not fortunate enough to have Ellie to the terrors of the hospital. And you know what? I already barely remember it. I hardly remembered it by the time I got to reach down and pull my daughter out from between my knees and up to my belly. Damn, birth hormones are amazing.

And so is she, my Rowan, both just for herself and for the new perspective her arrival has given me with Cole. He is so BIG. It’s astounding! He is also every bit the fantastic big brother that we knew he would be.

There may be more details later, if I feel like recording it for myself, but those are the broad strokes.

Rowan Kysa
8 lbs, 10 oz (with the head of a 10 pounder, Ellie says!)
20 1/8 in tall

Oh, and breastfeeding, so far, is going perfectly.

Thanks for all of your support, enthusiasm, and best wishes. It means so much.

Jul 21 2009

-2 Days

My water broke in a slow leak at 2am. I tried to get back to sleep, but just couldn’t. Instead, I got up, made myself some steel-cut oats, and have been reading Pratchett while timing contractions. John and Cole are still asleep. Midwife has been notified but is not yet on her way and won’t be until I feel like I need her. So far, I like this home-birth thing. Do wish I could get a bit more sleep, though…

Jul 19 2009

0 Days

Today was officially my due date, and, while I felt very strange all day and had a lot of contractions there for a while, I think I’ll go on record now as saying “NOT TODAY.” I think my extended family is taking it harder than I am. They’re all still assuming that I will call them tonight to come get Cole. I’m doubting it seriously.

My guess is that it will be tomorrow or the next day, but that could be wrong, too. All I know is that I’m close. I do think it’s safe to say that Roo’s birthday will have a 2 in front: 7/2_/09.

Anyway, I’m really fine with not being there yet. The biggest relief when I actually DO go into labor will be to have my family stop whispering behind my back about how I’ve dropped and how they’ll be seeing Cole soon. I love that they’re excited, and I love all the support, but DAMN IT! If Roo doesn’t come soon I may have to hog-tie them, gag them, and throw them in the basement.

They did watch Cole this afternoon so that John and I could go see Harry Potter, though, so they’re not all bad. I enjoyed the movie less than I normally would have because I just felt so strange and really only wanted to be at home on my exercise ball, but it was still nice to get out and have a last date with John.

So yeah… due date come and gone, as I honestly expected. Rather un-momentous.

Jul 17 2009

2 Days

I don’t really know what to say, except that there are, officially anyway, only two days left before we get to meet this new kid and already I feel about a week overdue.

I had a dream last night that I had her and she was marvelous in every way, including that she had been born with a minimum of damage to me. Quite possibly one of the best dreams ever.

My grandmother has finally arrived and so I am no longer too concerned about labor support. Now I am just consumed by thoughts of when I might actually go into labor. I just want it to START. I feel like I’m suspended here and that my life can’t move forward until we get this thing going.

It’s in the 100′s here, and so too hot for me to get out and walk like I want to. I used to drive to the mall to walk when I was waiting for Cole because the days had gotten too cold, but we don’t have malls here. The closest thing in town to a mall is WalMart, and going in there is hardly worth being in air conditioning.

So I clean. And wait. And think about the projects I’d like to start but KNOW that I won’t be able to finish because I’m sure that, just as I get a good project started, I will go into labor and it will sit for the next two years making me feel bad about myself and my ability to get anything done. I already have enough projects like this.

Chances are, though, that this will be over within a week. At least, that’s what I tell myself. Don’t tell me differently.

Jul 06 2009

13 Days

I SWEAR that I have been trying to post, but that something has not been working the last few times. I couldn’t even get anything into a draft. I know that there was REALLY VITALLY important and fantastic stuff that I had to write about, but I can’t remember for anything what it might have been. About all I can think about right now is 1) When the fuck this baby might be coming out, 2) The ultimate deliciousness of my new mango/nectarine salsa recipe(NOMNOMNOM), and… wait… I’m sure there was something else…

Oh yeah! … and 3) how much I like all the covers for the intro song for The Wire.

(My memory- she ain’t what she used to be.)

And just like that, in the last two days, I’ve gone from being cool with whenever Roo decided to show up to being just DONE with being pregnant. I have hit full term (which, technically, is 38 weeks) and she has officially become a trespasser. And while I still recognize that I will enter new levels of pain and sleep deprivation upon her arrival, I am really ready to have my own body back. To be able to put down this load once in a while- what bliss. That and being able to see her beautiful face. And making sure she’s really a girl. I would honestly be perfectly happy either way, sex-wise, but it sure would be a LOT more trouble if she turns out to have a penis.

I’m still not really feeling like I’ll make it the rest of the 13 days this time, but I also don’t know if that’s just wishful thinking. In one way, it would be really nice if I could, for the leave and all, but then there’s the whole being pregnant for another 13 days thing… I suppose, in the end, it’s not up to me.

We are fairly certain, as of today, that we have Cole’s preschool situation worked out, and in a better way than I thought possible. I found an actual school- not a home-based daycare- that it enrolling and is NOT CHURCH ORIENTED. It is also not significantly different in price than what we’d been paying, so we feel comfortable with being able to swing that. I took a little tour today and it felt really good- the kids were happy, the facility was nice, the teachers seemed good. I told myself that I would go with my gut this time, and my gut approved (and there’s a lot of gut there right now!). I think Cole will be very happy there but, even better, I think he will be safe and cared for.

But, in fine heels fashion, just as I’m feeling situated with one section of life, something else has to take a step back. It seems that I have most likely lost my labor support. My grandmother, who was supposed to be here already, keeps pushing back her visit and now will probably not be here until the 15th. At the earliest. Yes, it’s certainly possible that she will still make it in time, but this extra level of uncertainty is very frustrating to me, someone who likes to plan as much as possible. I don’t have any good alternatives here. There aren’t many people I’m comfortable with enough to have there with me, and we don’t have the financial resources to hire someone, if we could even get anyone at this late date. I know that things will work out either way, there are just more comfortable and easier ways than others.

I’ll need to post a new belly-shot in the next few days (if I don’t have a baby fist, that is!) because I swear I’ve gotten even bigger. My midwife is predicting that the little crotch-puncher will be a good 8+ pounds. We’ll see. SOON.

Jul 01 2009

18 Days

It is truly unbelievable to me, even with how frigging LONG it seems like I’ve been pregnant, that in roughly 18 days we will have a new member of this family. EIGHTEEN DAYS. I’m reeling.

We had our home visit yesterday, mostly to make sure that we had all of the supplies and that our midwife could find our house (no problem there!), and I realized that it really is time to get stuff set out to be ready for The Day. Contractions have been increasing in frequency and intensity, and our little Roo has gotten a nasty little habit of groping my cervix (or so it feels). According to our midwife, signs are looking good that we may go even sooner than 18 days… though, of course, there’s no guarantee. I’m not counting on it.

It is nice to be in the safe zone, finally, for having the birth happen here, given no unforeseen complications. She is free to arrive any day now, and we can at least avoid going to the hospital immediately. I feel pretty confidant that we will avoid a hospital altogether, and that’s a relief.

I don’t know if I’m effaced or dilated, and, honestly, I don’t think I want to know just yet. Labor will happen when it happens. I’m hoping that it won’t actually start until after the 10th when my grandmother is set to arrive. She’s SO excited to be there for the birth because, though she’s had 3 children of her own, she has never seen a baby younger than 12 hours old. She was completely under for all three of her deliveries (“Twilight Births,” they were called), and she has been a huge supporter of my desire to do natural births with both of my babies, due to her disappointment with her experiences. It’s an amazing feeling to think that I may be able to provide a “First” for my grandmother.

Cole and I continue to do well together, though I think I may need to enforce a little more routine in the day. I’d also like to do more projects with him, so today we’re going to buy some better art supplies. He’d really like some nicer paints, good painting paper, and scissors that he is allowed to use. I think we can take care of those modest requests.

Jun 17 2009

State of the… Uh… whatever.

Cole and I visited the potential other daycare. It was… okay. I liked the provider and a lot of the parents I saw there (know them either personally or from cool stuff around town), but I didn’t like the lack of supervision, the amount of places for kids to hide, or the incredible amount of stairs. Concrete stairs. Concrete stairs that Cole nearly fell down JUST DURING OUR VISIT. So I’m torn. I’m afraid, on one hand, that I’m being overprotective, but I also know that I’ve sincerely regretted not following my gut on these things before, and I had previously vowed to myself not to make that mistake again. My gut tells me that it’s not the right fit for us.

Is awesome. But that’s nothing new. He will also SPANK you at Wii boxing, and that is new. He kicked the pants off of his daddy and his pop last weekend, something that pleased him greatly.

My belly:
WOW, is this pregnancy ever different than my last. I was never in this much discomfort for this long of a time. Also, the past couple weeks have brought the joy of panicking about pre-term labor because of the amount of contractions. To be truthful, it’s only been mild panic because I haven’t lost my plug, so I know it’s not quite as imminent as it at times feels, but still… I hate sitting there and wondering if I should bug my midwife when I know it’s only practice labor.

Also new this time around: my belly button popped out. Kind of. Like, the top did a little and the rest is flat. I don’t actually think my belly button was ever deep enough to really pop out like some women’s do, but it didn’t even go this far last time.

With only about 32 days to go:

I had to break down and buy new bras because I literally was struggling to breath, the bands were so tight on every bra. The new ones are a huge improvement. I no longer find myself with my hand down my shirt, holding my bra away from my chest to catch a breath! That’s money well spent.

Baby Roo:
I had a flash last night of what she might look like. All this time, I’ve been struggling to picture her; to picture any tiny newborn at all, including Cole. It was weird, like I had a block against remembering what any infant less than 3 months old looked like.

But, finally, I pictured her: sleeping and cuddled in a sling around my body. She was beautiful.

We have a month left, and with me not working and Cole at home, it’s going to go fast. I mean, I actually had to panic legitimately the other night when I realized that I had forgotten to order something for the birth and wasn’t sure that I could get it on time (it’s fine- it will be here in plenty of time, I’ve been assured).

And, at this point anyway, there’s nothing that I’m not looking forward to about the birth. I’ll be happy to go through it and have Roo here, but I’m equally happy having more time with Cole before that happens. Despite my discomfort, I feel amazingly good about the head-space I’m in.