HEELS

Last week, our daycare lady gave Cole this cute little Cozy Coop pool toy. We couldn't go to my parent's house until the weekend, so this sat, all inflated, in our house for a few days. Every day Cole would find it and attempt to play with it on the floor, and every day he had a fit when I would take it away so that he wouldn't pop it before we got a chance to put it in the pool.

So imagine my surprise when we finally got it in the pool and he threw a screaming hissy when we put him in it.
Damn, but that boy was in a foul mood. We really couldn't figure out what the problem was, but it may have been that the leg holes were not big enough for his thoroughly nibble-able thighs.

After we (sort of ) got a clue and perched him on top of the leg holes, he decided that maybe the toy was okay and it possibly made it all the way to fun.


(Somewhat of a side- when did he get so big? He's supposed to be 21 months, but I swear from these pictures you'd think I had a 4 year old!)

(Okay, so maybe I exaggerate, what with the chubbo thighs and elbow dimples he's still sporting, but, well... y'know.)

Last night he discovered the ultimate funny of the face-on-shower-door-smoosh. Ahhh... I recall those days. Good times, good times...

Okay, yes- I did it last night too. How do you think he "discovered" it?
But anyway, still hilarious.

I was laughing so hard and taking so many pictures that he got tired of the game before I did (a toddler got tired of a repetitive game before me? I have serious problems...). I kind of ignored his requests to be taken out of the tub, and instead tried to interest him in the face-smoosh game some more. He was having none of it.

Get me out of this bath, for I am PRUNEY!

That's it, woman. I'm climbing.

Where the eff did the week go? Ohhh... right.

I'm starting to get very nervous about next Tuesday. Do you remember when I said that I was nervous about doing a solo in dance class and that I thought about calling in sick and not doing it? Well, I actually ended up getting sick and didn't do it. So next Tuesday is my second chance. Just thinking about it makes my stomach want to drop out onto the floor.

I never used to get nervous quite like this. Of course, there were always times of nervousness before performances, but usually it didn't happen until right before I went on stage. I didn't freak about it and lose sleep over it for weeks before. I don't know why I let it get to me now. Maybe I care more about dancing than I ever cared about playing music or acting. I think it's more than that, though I can't put my finger on it. I do know that I do not like it.

I'm sure I would feel better if I already had the dance choreographed. But I don't. Like, at all. I'm going to have to improvise most of it, and improvisation is something I'm TERRIBLE at. I think that's why I come off as such a dork. I can write like crazy if I know exactly what I'm supposed to be imparting, but I'm a terrible speaker, awful on the phone, and appear to not have a creative bone in my body when put on the spot. I also fear that I seem like a really pompous asshole in comments on other people's blogs. No wonder the only friends I have are the ones who I've known forever. That's how long it takes to look past what an idiot I can be!

(While I'm at it, if I ever came across as an asshole on your blog, I am SO sorry. I really never mean to be, I just seem to stick my damn foot in my mouth WAAAAAY too often.)

So yeah, this week went by fast. And Tuesday will be here really soon. I have no excuses this time, unless I decide to pack up my family and move to Spain in the next three days...
...

Anybody know where I can find classifieds for Spain?

Love it, Love it, Love it!

Saturday was our 10 year high school reunion. No, we didn't go. Who do you think I am? Like, social or something? Pssht!

Instead, we celebrated by doing what we were probably doing during our Senior Prom (which we also didn't go to). No! Not THAT! You dirty minded so-and-sos...

We played D&D (yup- that's Dungeons and Dragons...). Until 2am. Of course, this time I took care of a very pesky bottle of wine that had been eying me sideways-like all afternoon. I didn't do any of that stuff in high school (I was really, disgustingly good in high school).

We had a great time (or I did, at least, but maybe that was the wine's influence). We ate repulsive amounts of "Natural" (therefore HEALTHY!!!) cheese-poof-thingys because we just couldn't stop eating until the bag was gone. We made really stupid jokes and laughed at each other's stupid jokes. I laughed at my own stupid jokes, but that's usually the case. I'm also usually the only one laughing.

I has a lot of fun, and I can't imagine a more appropriate way to spend a reunion. Of course, I may be trying to justify our choice not to go when actually we just didn't have the $80 plus the cost of a babysitter that it would have taken to be able to go.

Nah- it was just more fun than a reunion could ever be. And I didn't even have to put on makeup!

Am I invisible today? Just checking...

Here's what I wrote to my supervisor (who, by the way, agrees with me whole-heartedly):

I am concerned by the, I feel, clearly discriminatory nature of the new personal attire policy. It seems that it is a policy directed solely at the female employees. While I agree with some of the suggestions, I do not agree with all of them. In particular I find the footwear policy to be unnecessary. While it is important, from a safety standpoint, to make sure that we are wearing the appropriate shoes for the tasks we are performing, I in no way feel that it requires a policy that disallows certain types of shoes in all cases. For instance, the example given is about flip flops. Personally, I do not frequently wear flip flops, but when I do they are clean, nice looking sandals that happen to have a thong piece between my toes. They stay on my feet as well as most closed shoes. I do not perform tasks which make the exposure of my toes a hazard. There is no safety risk.

From a "professional" standpoint, I wonder where we draw the line. Sport sandals stay on feet but are not very "professional" looking. Will they be deemed inappropriate as well? What about open-toe sandals that do have a strap on the back to make sure that they can't fall off? What about high-heeled, fancy sandals with a thong between the toes but no strap? What about open-toe heels? You may call this a slippery slope argument, but I really don't see a clear line here past, perhaps, a personal aesthetic, and I don't see that as a valid argument. If we want to get into a personal aesthetic argument then nobody wins. We all have different taste. We are not a company that wears uniforms. Until we are, I believe the only argument that can be made is one of safety and decency, neither of which should make sandals inappropriate in all cases.

She will be putting it together with what the other irritated employees are saying and will be presenting it to the appropriate people.

The thing that really gets to me is that this policy springs from a personal problem that a VP is having with an employee who happens to live with him (they are not romantically involved and are not related, he just acts like her father all the time). We have worn whatever we've wanted for years until she was hired and he started telling her what she could and couldn't wear on her way out the door to work. THAT IS NOT A VALID REASON TO MAKE A POLICY!! WE should not have to suffer for her crappy fashion decisions!

Anyway... what do you all think about this?

I try not to talk about work on this site. I don't think it's appropriate or professional. However, there are times when I can say something that will not reveal the company I work for and wouldn't really hurt them if I did.

This may be difficult to explain properly, seeing as most of you do not work in this office with me (though it would be a blast if you did!).

Our current company dress policy is as follows:
A professional appearance is essential to your job. You are a representative of Condor, so you must present a clean and professional image to clients, co-workers, and management. You must practice good grooming and personal hygiene. Clothing must be neat, clean, tasteful, in good repair, and appropriate for our professional work. Avoid clothing that can create a safety hazard. Department managers may issue more specific guidelines.

Fine. I have NO problem with that. I try to dress nicely and cleanly. I shower every morning. I may not put on makeup or really "do" my hair, but I have a clean face and I pull my hair back so that it's nowhere near messy. There are days when I'm not feeling tip-top when I may slip a bit and wear jeans and a company polo, but those are rare.

Here's the not yet published UPDATE to the policy:
Appropriate professional attire should not reveal any part of your undergarments or reveal any midriff skin, body piercing, or tattoos. All shoes should be securely fitted to your foot; i.e., flip flop sandals are not acceptable professional foot apparel.

I'm fine with the undergarment thing- my bra straps often slip because of the way my shoulders are shaped, but I don't intentionally wear anything that reveals my undergarments. I also agree with the midriff showing- I don't believe that half shirts are really acceptable (or particularly attractive) in the workplace. Any workplace.

Then we get to the part that pisses me right the fuck off. Body piercings? Tattoos? I may have neither, but entirely believe in a person's right to have those which are on parts of the body that can be appropriately shown at work be seen. If I had sleeve tattoos would I be forced to wear long sleeves every day? If I had a tattoo on my ankle, would they make me cover it with a sock or pants at all times? It's BULLSHIT.

But the next part is what I have the biggest problem with. The flip flops. I know it sounds silly. Most offices wouldn't want their employees to wear flip flops. But it has NEVER EVER been a problem here. I rarely wear flip flops, but the ones I have are clean and more sandal-looking than sporty or casual. The argument given is that it's a safety hazard and we could "stub our toes." What the fuck? Why do you care if I stub my toe? Do you really fucking think I'll be awarded Worker's Comp for a goddamn stubbed toe? Fuck you.

I also fear the slipperyness of this argument. Are sandals with a thong between my toes but that also have an ankle strap okay? Are open-toed sandals okay? I have some very nice quality shoes that are open-toe. They are completely professional. Can I wear those? Where does it stop? Will all of these things be outlawed until all we can wear are unattractive closed-toe pumps? Should I go buy some in black, navy, tan, taupe, white, and red to cover all of my outfits. Fuck that. Not to mention I don't have the money to go out and buy all new shoes, even though that does sound like fun (the new shoes, not the "rainbow" of ugly ass pumps). Will you be providing a shoe replacement budget?

And what about the guys who wear t-shirts, jeans, and sport sandals? Are you going to stop them? They're more likely to go out in the field than we are.

We're not a fancy company. We've NEVER been a fancy company. I think we have some of the big clients that we do because they feel comfortable with us. No one has ever had to take me aside and tell me that my clothing choices were inappropriate. Treat us like adults who can make decisions for ourselves and only spend your time on those who demonstrate that they can't. LEAVE MY FUCKING WARDROBE THE FUCK ALONE!!!

Of course, my gut response is to want to go out and get tattoos in very obvious places and them come to work in a mini skirt, half shirt, and flip flops just to piss them off. I bet they wouldn't say anything.

I know that this is to some extent an overreaction, but I also just can't stand being told what to do with something so fucking trivial. I also can't believe how blatant the double standards are for men and women. The women who work here are (for the most part) very professional. We don't deserve this. Leave us alone to do our jobs. In flip flops, if we fucking feel like it.

THIS IS SO FREAKIN COOL!!!!!!!!!!

John, my father, and I have started a new tradition. Instead of always having one person cook, we are going to get together at least once a month with a special menu- usually with a theme- and have each person take a dish (or two, if they feel like it). It will help us explore new recipes, take the burden off of the normal cooks, and be a lot of fun. At least, so far it has been.

Last night was the first night. We were feeling adventurous and decided on Thai. Dad made a dish from the Lemongrass Cafe cookbook that I borrowed from the library, and John and I each made a dish from the general (but really quite excellent) Thai book that I bought years ago at a bookstore sale.

The results:
... were DELICIOUS. We are such awesome cooks! From the top, clockwise: Made by Dad- Sweet and Spicy Shrimp (shrimp, broccoli, cucumbers, pineapple, celery, tomatoes, chile paste, fish sauce, soy sauce...to name a few of the ingredients); Made by me- Fragrant Chicken Curry (Chicken, LOTS of curry paste, lemongrass, coconut milk, onions, garlic, cilantro, yogurt, apricot jam...); Jasmine Rice (made by me, but it hardly counts); Made by John- Thai Asparagus (asparagus, toasted sesame seeds, green thai chile, red bell pepper, garlic, ginger... so simple, so good!). All that plus a bottle of wine made by a company on whose cave our company worked. It was a very special dinner.

After dinner, we ate lovely, refreshing chunks of watermelon and then sat down to watch a Planet Earth (an Oceans one). After all that settled, I brought out the Coconut Custard with Mango, which was good, but not quite as good as I'd hoped. I was hoping for more of a creme brulee texture and got more of a gelatinous flan texture, but the flavor was nice. The best part was the fresh mango- I bought one that was a honey mango or some such thing and it was one of the most delicious things I've ever tasted.

Cole, unfortunately, was not all that interested in the food. He's been a particularly picky eater lately, and it was too spicy. He sat and ate swiss cheese slices and then had a few bites of pizza when we went home. I guess you can't please everyone.

(My tummy's grumbling just looking at that picture. I can't wait for the leftovers today at lunch!)

(Oh- John and I also got away by ourselves and saw a movie, the first in quite some time. We saw Harry Potter and mostly enjoyed it. I was squirming a lot by the end due to the massive dose of cheeziness, but it was still totally worth seeing. I nearly offended people before the movie started, though, listening to their comments about the previews and things. I need to learn to keep my snorts to myself. But tell me- if someone was watching a preview for Fred Claus and shouted out "That right there- that's a WINNER. That's my kind of movie!", would you be able to help yourself? I know you all are clearly better people than I, but really...)

We've gotten to the point in Cole's verbal development where he wants to know names for things. I also now correct him when he has used the wrong name for something.

I am a shy person about my body most of the time, but I refuse to hide in my own home around John and Cole. Though I would prefer that nobody see me ever, I know that's not possible and I also don't want to give Cole the same attitude about his body. So I try to be... relaxed, I guess, but not flagrant by any means.

Recently, Cole was cuddling in bed with me and John and started laughing and poking my boob, which is really a bit too much for me, but I tried to just kind of ignore it. But when he stared calling it "belly," I had to step in and correct him. However, I wasn't really digging most of my choices, which broke down to roughly the following: 1) "Breast" (it just seems too... clinical or something); 2) Some kind of slang like "boobie" or "tit"- all seemed unseemly for an innocent little baby-buddha to be saying, plus the idea of having him grab me in the supermarket and holler "BOOB!" (I'm lookin' at you, Hannah!) was not terrifically appealing; 3) go with "nursie," which is what my sister used, but just didn't seem right considering that I wasn't able to nurse him that way for long; or 4) Other- uuummmm, yeah.

So what came out of my mouth when I corrected him, and what has stuck, was "baba." That is (sadly) what he calls his bottles, it's kind of like "boob," but not embarrassing, and it's really more the function they served. And, if he ever hollers it in the supermarket, hopefully no one will know that he means my boob and not an actual bottle.

Maybe not perfect, but, if put on the spot, what would you have done? No really- what?

Yes, I went to the doctor yesterday. Yes, I was made to feel like a bit of an ass ( no pun intended, seriously). Yes, I still came away with some of the things I wanted.

No, I still do not have a clear answer.

She told me (in her adorable, lispy, Russian accent) that there is a flurry of diagnoses for intestinal yeast infections right now, and that she seriously doubts each one. Just as doctors did a few years ago with IBS, they are now diagnosing anyone with this wide range of complaints with a yeast. Basically, it's a fad. An illness fad. And I jumped right on. YEE-HAW! So that's why I feel kinda dumb.

However, I'm not above doing just about anything to feel better. I'm sure that's why other people have jumped on, too; because it sucks feeling this way and we feel like there must be some explanation and cure out there if we could only just get the right diagnosis.

So I will go through the "treatment" for the yeast, mostly because it absolutely won't hurt me. It consists of taking live pro-biotics, capsules of fish-oil, and a change/modification of diet. I have to cut way down on sugars, gluten, whole grains, dairy, and carbs. I have to increase my veggies and keep my protein and good fat levels about where they are. I have to continue to improve my water intake.

Basically, I eat really well and take some totally harmless junk for my gut. Then wait and see how I feel.

And if I happen to lose 10 pounds while I'm at it, so be it.

I can do that.


(Almost total aside- did you know that they are now connecting milk allergies (which more people have than realize it) to osteoporosis? It seems that the calcium grabs important minerals from the bones on it's way through and strips them, doing more damage than good. As a non milk drinker (read MILK HATER TO THE MAXXX), I find this very validating. As the mother of a milk LOOOOOOVER, I am concerned.)

I'm also very scared today. I'm supposed to do a solo at dance class tomorrow and I have no idea what I'm going to do. I haven't even gotten to practice faking it. I also haven't finished my costume. I feel like playing sick and not going to class, but that makes me feel like an even bigger loser.

Uuuggghhh.

Several years ago, I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I have the more rare version where my body cannot eliminate, rather than the common version where it does too often. During my pregnancy, it was like I was almost cured. I hardly had any issues at all. It was wonderful. And it lasted until just recently.

I don't know if this means that I'm finally back to normal, hormonally, from when I was pregnant, but I don't like it. It robs me of energy, makes me uncomfortable all the time, and makes me feel sick constantly.

On the fourth, we went to a bbq. One of the guests there was eating very differently than the rest. When asked about it, she offered that she had been diagnosed with an intestinal yeast infection. When I looked up the symptoms, I was shocked to feel like I was reading about myself: bloating, cramping, intestinal pain, joint pain, stomach upset, fatigue, irritability, mood swings, depression, confusion, "fogginess", difficulty concentrating, acid reflux, etc...

I will go to the doctor on Wednesday to try to determine if this might be the key to making me feel better. I feel like I have to try. There's no cure or good treatment for IBS, so it'll be a huge improvement if this is actually the cause. I'm hoping that it is.

The other good thing? With the extreme dietary restrictions, I will have to cut out most of my problem foods (the ones that I tend to binge on) and will probably lose the last 10 pounds to reach my goal weight. Feeling better AND looking hot? Awesome.

I hate writing about this stuff. I'm embarrassed about it. I feel really gross. But I do it because a lot more people suffer from this than know it, and maybe it will help you or someone you know. Consider this my public service announcement.

*******The More You Know...

I could never. I think you'd all kill me.

Cole loves to "garden." I love to let him get dirty like a kid should, I just don't like having to wash the RED clay out of his clothes (tip: it doesn't fucking come out. Don't bother.).

Solution:



He seems cool with it.

My darling husband just walked in with a huge latte and a delicious, fresh muffin. I held out my hands and accepted these offerings to my goddess-ness with a purr. I gazed lovingly at the top on my cup of milky, caffeinated beverage, then looked up into his sweet eyes and shouted "Why are there lip marks on this lid?!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday was a really nice break. I got to sleep in (thank you, John- you're stacking up the points, baby!), then, after a leisurely morning, spent the afternoon under a huge table umbrella in my parent's pool. It was necessary to survival.

Later that evening, we made our way over to a friend's house for a bbq potluck and bocce. We didn't so much play bocce, though, as sit around with cold drinks and shoot the breeze. It was fine with me- the toddler makes actual play near impossible, anyway. Last time he was out on the court moving balls every time I put him down.

We neither saw nor heard a single firecracker, which is really alright with me. Especially with the kind of drought/fire season it looks like we're headed into now. I could do without my house burning down right now. (Total side note: a local man recently burned down his house because he was trying to get rid of a wasp's nest with a can of pledge and a lighter. The can caught on fire, he dropped it to the ground, couldn't put it out, and it caught fire to the dead grass which then spread the fire to the house, burning it to the ground and almost taking the neighboring house with it. If only the genius had burned off his testicles, too- then he would have had a shot at an honorable mention in the Darwin Awards.)

Today feels weird. After a Wednesday that felt like a Saturday, I expected a Sunday, but instead get Thursday which really makes it feel like Monday. I'm not complaining that I got a day to sit on my ass in the pool and get paid for it, I'm just saying that it's thrown my internal clock for a loop.

But I just have to get through the rest of this day and tomorrow and I'll have two days to get back on schedule. Yay for a weekend without much to do!!

How was your Fourth? Safe and fun, I hope?

We went to a completely lovely wedding last Saturday. The groom was Green Apron Monkey over there in my link list. I've known him since kindergarten. I think of him like family. The bride was the woman he chose after ignoring years of us trying to set him up. He's a very patient man.

The wedding was held at the groom's family home. For weeks before, friends had been coming from all over to help out on the weekends to get their property in shape enough to have roughly 120 people descend in one evening. They worked long, hard, hot hours, which sounds like a lot more fun than it was, I'm sure. But it was done because of the true friendship and love that this family inspires.

CAUTION- Hot men gardening!

And it was SO worth it. The transformation was astounding. I didn't get many pictures, but really- you shoulda seen it before!





And that was the day before the wedding- it even got better.


So, of course, a pedicure was more than well deserved.



I was going to get one too, the first of my life, actually, but they were too busy and I had to pick up Cole. That's alright- these ladies deserved the treat more.



The ceremony was beautiful. John was the best man and Cole was the ring bearer. I took Cole to the back of the aisle so that he could walk down by himself. He started yelling "Dada! Dada!" before we even got there. He got half way down the aisle, saw his grandfather (Pop) and cousin sitting there, screamed "POP!," and ran to where my dad was sitting. Dad got him turned around and back down the aisle toward John, but Cole only took a few steps in that direction before he leaned forward, shook his hand in his daddy's direction, said "No no no," and dove back into the seats with his Pop. Everybody was cracking up and it was a nice bit of comic relief.

Other than that, there weren't any hitches to speak of that I was aware of. Apparently the sister of the bride had some sort of meltdown, but she was kind enough to wait until we had left before she collapsed. Gosh- SOOOOO sorry I missed that...

But before that, there was a lot of really good food (all made by family), funky white guy dancing, good and funny but non-embarrassing toasts, belly dancing, fire spinning, and a tipsy bride singing all the lyrics to "Gangster's Paradise" whilst club dancing in her beautiful white dress. Good times.

Cole gets jiggy wit it... or something.

To my newlywed friends- I wish you all the happiness in the world. We're always here for you.

Oh, and Saturday was also our 6th wedding anniversary. Go us! Love you, baby!!

I think that most people who know me or read this site realize that I am not religious. I do not believe in gods or that anyone is my savior. However, I do not want to give the impression that I don't believe in anything or am lacking a "moral code" or some such thing.

I recently read the following in a post on another site, though I know that it did not originate from that person, either. This does not cover everything I live by, obviously, but I also can agree with and strive to live by each of the following:


First Commandment: Do not do to others what you would not want them to do to you.

Second Commandment: In all things, strive to cause no harm.

Third Commandment: Treat your fellow human beings, your fellow living things, and the world in general with love, honesty, faithfulness and respect.

Fourth Commandment: Do not overlook evil or shrink from administering justice, but always be ready to forgive wrongdoing freely admitted and honestly regretted.

Fifth Commandment: Live life with a sense of joy and wonder.

Sixth Commandment: Always seek to be learning something new.

Seventh Commandment: Test all things; always check your ideas against the facts, and be ready to discard even a cherished belief if it does not conform to them.

Eighth Commandment: Never seek to censor or cut yourself off from dissent; always respect the right of others to disagree with you.

Ninth Commandment: Form independent opinions on the basis of your own reason and experience; do not allow yourself to be led blindly by others.

Tenth Commandment: Question everything.