HEELS

For making my day.

I DID IT! I just went back and counted and I have 30 posts for November! Of course, I OFFICIALLY failed because I didn't post every day, but I have decided that I win because I made up for every day that I didn't have internet access by posting more on days that I did. I WIN! YIPPEE!!

Cole is going to my parents' house tonight so that John and I can go out (for the first time in about 6 months... or more) with friends.

He'll be spending the night.

The whole night.

MY BAAAAAYYY-BEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you are not a parent I do not expect you to begin to understand. If you are, I think you know what I mean.

*CHARGING CELL PHONE AND TURNING RING AND VIBRATE ON FULL BLAST*

I'm sure they'll have a great time. *sniff*

I've been thinking a lot about my hair lately because I am vain concerned about my professional appearance vain.

Most of my life I have had long hair. There have been a few times when I've gone nuts and hacked it off. Most of those crazy times have been HUGE mistakes, but I actually liked what happened last time. I grew my hair out again because I got pregnant and didn't have much money or a reliable hair stylist and it would have taken very frequent haircuts to keep it looking right. So now I'm back to long hair.

My hair- it is strange. Half is super curly, half is straight. It's mostly pretty soft, but has some wiry stuff running through (thanks, DAD). It's relatively healthy because I do next to nothing with it. My normal daily routine: Get it wet in the shower, no shampoo, comb out tangles, twist up and clamp with claw-thingy. My super-duper, all stops pulled every other day routine: Shampoo, conditioner, comb out tangles, twist up and clamp.

That's it. No blow-drying, no hair gunk, no real styling. It stays up all day until I let it out at night (still wet!) and stick it into a braid for sleeping.

And, generally, it's pretty enough. The curls are natural and look nice until they frizz (it's inevitable). The color is nice with natural auburn/copper highlights. It stays up well, it styles well (on the special occasions where I do anything at all), it looks appropriate with my belly dance costume, it's pretty versatile.

But I'm entering into one of those crazy obsessive times. I can feel it. My hair is in danger.

Here's where you come in: Should I cut it? If so, how should I cut it? Here are a few (all very similar, I now realize) examples of what I've been thinking about:

I think this is adorable:

But I've had this cut before:

(Terrible picture, I know, but you can see the hair. Kind of.)

(A little longer)

I took her picture in as my example:

I'm thinking that something a little more like Maggie's hair here might be my speed this time:
Maybe combined with Natalie's bangs, or something kind of like them:

Or Allison's. I think they've done really fun things with her hair on Smallville, afterall.

And then I could do something kind of like this:Of course, I've more-or-less had this hair before, too. Though it was "I'm growing it out" hair and not actually cut to be this way, which could make a big difference.

(Another terrible picture- where are these coming from? Oh right- I'm UTTERLY un-photogenic.)

If you're going to weigh in on this one (and please, PLEASE do- I OBVIOUSLY NEED SERIOUS HELP!) please realize that I'm a lazy-ass. I hate styling my hair which is why having it long generally works for me. I do not own a single hair-styling implement. But I am also bored and feel a little frumpy with what feels like a mat of awful hair that I regularly do absolutely nothing with.

So... What do you think?

For anyone wondering about Cole's supernumerary tooth (because I KNOW you've all been on the edges of your seats with anticipation!), here's what it looks like:
You see where I have helpfully labeled the 1 and 2 on the left side of his face which take the same space as the 1 on the right side. Having two teeth where only one should be is pushing his front tooth off just a bit, but that seems to be the only problem so far (though we've wondered if some of his more recent crankiness has been about constant tooth-related headaches- I think I would be getting them if I had an extra tooth!).

The extra tooth makes his smile just a little more goofy than it would be otherwise (the poor kid got my hugely out of proportion two front teeth), but I still can't help feeling that he's one of the most gorgeous kids ever (these pictures, really- all pictures, do not do him justice. Until you see him in real life you have no idea what levels of perfect adorableness this boy can achieve).

Cole and my mom, taken in about February or March of 2006:Cole and my mom, taken about a week ago:

So much bigger, so much more interested and interesting, so much still my little baby.

Things I am obsessing about today:

• Holiday party dresses
• Holiday party shoes
• Holiday party accessories
• Holiday having no money
  
• Holiday party drinking
• Birthdays
• Sewing
• The Buffy complete DVD collection for $130
  

Such is the multi-layered complexity of ME.

I have a ripping bad headache today. I really just need to go home. Or stop looking at the monitor, neither of which is exactly an option at the moment.

We had a good Thanksgiving break. My nephew was once again quite the handful, but his progress through the week made me hopeful that, should he ever spend more than a few days with Cole, they may one day get along. I think he just gets so hyped up on the attention and the fun stuff to do that he stops making the best choices. I know he can do better. I've seen it. There were moments of purely adorable "cousin moments" that I wish I could keep in my head forever.

It was great to see my grandma. She was dropping the heavy "hints" that we should come down to see them soon and often. I'm not sure when that'll happen, though, considering that she lives in Arizona and I'm saving up my vacation time for our Hawaii trip.

Did I tell you we're going to Hawaii? Kauai, to be exact. In April. I'm just the tiniest bit excited.

Ah, who am I kidding... I'm pee-my-pants excited! I love Kauai!! We're all going to stay in a house together that's just steps away from a beach. I'm counting the days already. And my sister's boyfriend will be joining us, too, which should be interesting. I think he's a nice and fun guy so far, but seven days in a beach house may give me a better picture. Or make me kill him. Time will tell.

We have some family photos from Thanksgiving that I haven't seen yet and so am not sure if I'm willing to publish. I also have a spanking new injury that keeps breaking back open. It's nothing big- just a jab-wound from the razor-sharp top of a beer bottle whose lip snapped off when I took the lid off. It feels like such a white-trash injury: "I hurt myself on beer!" Does it make it any better that it was a Newcastle?

I have to go do something other than look at this screen now.

The part you never remember is how you end up with all those damn, itchy leaves in your pants.


Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope it is just the perfect balance of restful and fun.

Too late- I ate them all.

I managed something last night that I did not actually think was possible.

I gave myself a crocheting related injury. I am a casualty of crafting.

I was playing a game with Cole where he would take my crochet hook away from me and then I would pull it out of his hands and start working again. (Yes, it was really a game and he was laughing his tiny, squooshy butt off.) The last time I took it away (because I'm not SO dumb that I can't ever learn from my experiences), he held on just a little tighter and I managed to hook a huge chunk of flesh right out of my thumb.

Ouch.

It still hurts and I don't have anyone to kiss my boo-boo.

This morning, in the car, on our way to daycare:

(Cole is in backseat playing with his Lightening McQueen and Mater cars.)
Cole: McQueen goes CRASH! (Crashing cars together.)
Me: McQueen crashed?
Cole: No, McQueen! No hitting! Not nice!


I'm glad to see that he listens once in a while.

My back has been threatening me with total annihilation for the past week and a half. This morning it finally slammed the pain button all the way down. I made it through the morning unassisted, but this afternoon I have called upon the powers of prescription medication and have dipped into my stock of 90 89 88 Vicodin. I'm looped, and in a much less fun way than I hoped. I'm dizzy, stupid, and vaguely nauseous. I'm listening to Pandora Radio (Cherry Poppin' Daddies' Brown Derby Jump, at the moment. Did I ever tell you how I saw them live? And the dance floor was, I think literally, the size of a fucking postage stamp and we were attempting to swing dance but kept body slamming everyone and it's probably the closest I've ever come to bing in a mosh pit and it was really less than fun which makes me wonder why in fuck anyone ever WILLINGLY joined a mosh pit unless they were trying to find an "acceptable" way to punch the shit out of the people around them, which now occurs to me may have been the whole goddamn point and I have just never been violent enough to get it. But there was seriously not enough alcohol in the establishment to help me enjoy that particular dancing experience, especially considering that I was underage and straight-edge at the time, anyway. But the Cherry Poppin' Daddies, despite their awful name, were good.) and trying to not keel right the fuck over under my desk. I could easily sleep the rest of the afternoon away if it wasn't for the whole being at work part of this bullshit equation. Oh right- and my chiropractor is out of the office all this week, of course, it being the week of Thanksgiving. All I need now is to get a UTI and my holiday will be complete.

Ooh- Stray Cats on now. I might get to see Lee Rocker in a couple of weeks. Maybe I can make up for all the times I've either not been able to dance or been too goddamn chicken. Whattya say? You all want to come out with me? What if I bring my Vicodin? For me- not for you. You are awesome already. You have no need for my drugs.

Hee- now the song is "Wanna Make Love (Come Flick my Bic)" by Sun off of their album Funkgasm. Dude- Pandora is so sweet.

And this is pretty cool.

And I've been obsessed with this ALL day.

I totally have songs for next year's Fade to Black show, unless someone else does a show that I like better and invites me along...

One can hope, anyway.

I don't have much to say today. Host server was down again yesterday, the buggers. Um... I had a veggie pot pie for lunch- yum. Having some folks over tonight- yay!

Ummm...

Yeah....

*checks fingernails*

Have I ever told y'all how much Cole loves mariachi music on my clock-radio? Well, he does. A lot.

Okay then...

Have a great weekend!!

I'm still not sure about the shingles. I can't see that part of my back and so I must rely on a certain male person to tell me what it looks like.

"A.. A.. A.. ROBOTCHA! Ee go rrroooaaarrr! Ike DAT!"

Oh wait- that was Cole telling us about the robots on his shirt today. John sounds more like this: "Uhh... it's kinda red... Maybe broken blood vessels? It looks kinda better than before. I'm not sure. I guess we just have to wait."


GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Anyway, not sure. The end.

(Or is it....? WoooOOoooOooooo)

Consequently, I am on a crafting bender. I am knitting a hat, investigating "felting" (which, in my sick little head, sounds like a really dirty term), and getting ready to start a massive crochet project. We have no money for christmas presents? LET'S KNIT!!!

I hope our friends are into handmade. Maybe I should start an Etsy store...

(How do you NOT love Etsy?)

Any requests?

I just realized today that I have been at this job as long as I have been at any other job. If I continue the way I've been going I will soon be at this job for far longer than I've ever held any other job. It's a strange thing, because I've always gotten to this point in other jobs and started to feel very restless and in need of a change. This job, however, I can see myself doing for... well, a long time more. It may only be 5 years, it may be another 30. I like it, I'm comfortable, I'm challenged enough to keep it interesting, I like the hours, and the pay isn't bad. If I can't have a job that I absolutely love and look forward to every day, I think this might be the next best.

The job I still want the most is "Stay-At-Home-Mom," but that's not going to happen. Neither is being paid to stay at home and garden, sew, paint, or watch movies. Compared to a lot of people, I think I have it pretty good in the job department.

How about you? Do you like your job? What's your dream job?

Things I am obsessing about today:

1. Knitting
2. Shingles

At least, that's all that I feel comfortable taking about.

I started obsessing about knitting (again) when I realized that Cole's christmas hats don't fit him anymore. I used to knit a lot, especially in elementary school, so I know enough to kind of start stuff but I'm not exactly "skilled." I found a knitting pattern online (plus the decoder- have you ever SEEN a knitting pattern? They're so confusing at first!), but I didn't pay enough attention (duh) and the piece I started last night I finally ripped out again because it was too small. I mean WAY too small. It might have fit around my ankle. I think I might hit the local knitting store for some tips tonight.

Shingles. WELL. I have had shingles twice before. Once they went through the full progression and once I caught it early and took the medication to make them a lot more mild. It still hurt that second time, but it wasn't NEARLY as bad. The first time was one of the most painful experiences of my life. Drug-free childbirth didn't even come CLOSE. So, when I felt a little bump on the back of my ribs this morning, and then noticed the area getting sore and red, I started to freak just a bit. I'm still worried. It hasn't progressed enough for me to be sure that it is shingles, but I'm really not sure that it's not. You have to catch shingles in the first three days to be able to take the medication that restricts it, so I don't have much time. I think I'm justifiably freaked out. The other complication, if it is shingles, is that I'll be contagious to anyone who hasn't had chickenpox (I'd give them chickenpox, not shingles). Meaning that I'd be contagious to COLE, the boy who hasn't had (and will NOT have) the chickenpox vaccine.

Early Thanksgiving break, anyone?

But I DON'T want that. I'm not of the opinion that he should get chickenpox, I just believe that the vaccine is stupid and harmful.

It's a waiting game. I'm impatient. Bad combination.

At least if we get sick I'll have lots of time to knit.

So... The performance went really well! Thanks to my husband, who put the song (Danny Diamond by The Squirrel Nut Zippers) on his mp3 player and lent it to me, and to James Brown whose fine, soothing tones were also on there, I managed to calm down by about 45 minutes before I went on. Seriously- James Brown was the medicine I needed. About 10 minutes before I went on, I turned to my instructor, who just happened to be standing there, and said "I just really need to learn to not take myself so goddamn seriously." She said "Yeah. You do." And it's the truth.

So I went out there and shook my stuff. I got no whistles or other encouragement that I could hear during the performance, but the applause started before the song was totally finished and (as my Mom tells it!) was the loudest of the night (to that point). All I remember was thinking "what's that roaring sound?" only to realize that it was applause just as I was leaving the stage. I didn't really take my chance to bathe in it. Oh well.

There were some AWESOME performances by other women. One kept a grin of fantastic joy on my face the ENTIRE time she danced. I am still so proud of her. For each of us it was the first time we'd chanced a solo outside of class and she fucking ROCKED it. It was a beautiful thing. The fact that she's hot didn't hurt!

It was a pretty good experience, overall, and I'm letting it carry me as much as possible through today. I'm feeling hit from a few sides today and I'm desperately trying to keep the mope-ies and jealous-green-meanies away. With limited success.

I wish I could show you pictures, but my mother didn't tell me she had forgotten her camera until after my performance when the fact that I had a camera mere feet away became a totally moot point. I'm hoping that maybe someone else took pictures and might share them with me. I also am pretty sure that there will be a video which I may or may not be able to share (or want to!).

Actually, I lied a little. I do have this picture of after, but you can't really see my costume, only my cover-up wrap.

I post this despite potentially incurring the wrath of my sister who, in her defense, was totally trashed after a night of doing shots. She usually looks much better than I do. Take a moment to notice how different we are, even though we are full sisters. Now try to figure out why people have asked us if we are twins or mistaken us for each other more times than I can count. It's ridiculous.

Anyway... now, as a FULLY PROFESSIONAL belly dancer, all that remains is for me to find a troupe to perform with. Because a single successful performance makes me Ready, right? So give me a call! I will promise to do my best to keep my neurosis in check, I swear.

Why are you laughing? Stop that! Stop right this instant!!

Today I am writing copy for an ad in the program for a local theatre's holiday play and creating a post-card mailer for our services in complying with new Department of Homeland Security regulations.

I have a weird job.

I have my costume finished for the performance this weekend, but I'm still scared shitless. No- literally. I've been running to the bathroom every time I think about it, which is often. I totally understand now why people who have had their home broken into also often find a pile of poo on the floor. Really, the thief can't help it.

So yah- I feel SEXY, baby!

My costume more or less turned out how I wanted. My choreography is another matter. I have a funny habit of doing my choreography in my head instead of dancing it and THEN writing it. I was feeling pretty confident about it until I tried to dance it last night. For the first time. I had practiced PLENTY in my seat while driving but, oddly enough, that turns out to not be the same as REAL dancing. Who knew?

I'm having to make some changes to my routine and I'm afraid that I won't have enough real dancing time before the performance to get the old (physically impossible, it turns out) routine out of my head and the new one in. It has to be FIRMLY implanted for me to remember when the lights come up and I'm frozen in the glare off of hundreds of staring eyes.

(Okay- maybe not hundreds. But you know how the camera adds 10 pounds? Stage lights add a hundred viewers. Minimum.)

At this point there are only two things comforting me: 1) I saw last year's performances and I may be near the bottom but I am not AT it; and 2) My son will love me no matter what. He's not going to see it!

I'm taking a bottle of champagne for after it's over.

Goodbye, French Fries. I loved you well...

How to in... hell, I'm too drunk to count... many steps:

1. Get yourself a cup of gin.


2. Add some vermouth. Careful- not too much!
3. Oh- too much vermouth? Just pour some back- we replaced the vermouth with gin years ago anyway.
4. That went down smooth! What? Gone already?

5. Clearly- only use for tiny cup is silly hat.
5. Get a bigger cup of gin.

12. We finished again? We are the silliest sillys, aren't we? Sillys...
52. SILLY HATS FOR THE SILLYS!

8015. Get a bigger cup of gin. Hehehehehehheehehehe!!!!!!!!!!! SILLY!!!!!!
34. Just when you think that maybe there is such a thing as too much gin...

953. Take a break and contemplate the sheer genius that is the Silly Hat.
3432. Share your silly hat for grins!

498. And get a bigger cup of gin. Pants are now optional.
249794. Too big to handle? FUGGIT- Drink right outta the bottle! You'll finish it anyway!!


@#$(823. WHEEEEE!!! TRICKS!!

#*3497. Don't go too far with the tricks. You're bound to get sloppy and waste some gin.
9347(&@. And never forget to save some for mama. She obviously needs it.


CHEERS!

I only have a half-day here at work today. My daycare lady had to take her husband to the VA hospital about 3 hours away because his foot isn't getting any better. My mother is taking care of Cole this morning, but she's busy this afternoon. I'll get to have him at home with me while I obsess and freak out about not yet having my costume done for my solo on Saturday. If I just had that done, I would feel SO much better. As it is, every time I think about it I feel like I should run to the bathroom. Composure? Not so much today. Or the rest of the week, probably.

John and I are in the process of evaluating some things concerning our blogs. There may be some big changes in the next few months. Again- what would you like to see? Not see?

(Yes, I know- you're sick of the pink. Fine. Me too.)

Anyway... WOO! Um, yeah. Bye.

I just found out that a coworker had a heart attack over the weekend. It's hard for me to even imagine.

She's fine- let's make that clear from the start. She had a little stint put in and she's fast on the mend.

But the thought that a slim, healthy, active, (can't be more than) 55 year old woman could be struck so suddenly with something so potentially deadly is indescribably frightening to me.

I think it's because she's so NOT the poster child for heart attacks. But maybe she should be. When I think heart attacks, I think older, overweight, out-of-shape men, or, at the very least, someone whose health is compromised in some way. But she is beautifully in shape, has three adult children, is married (seemingly) happily to her high school sweetheart, has a good job, has friends and a community, eats well, etc.

That's the scary thing about heart disease, I guess- it can hit people in every demographic. She just had a little blockage and it could have killed her.

She had warning signs on Friday and mostly ignored them. It hit her full-on on Saturday.

From AmericanHeart.org:

Heart Attack Warning Signs
Some heart attacks are sudden and intense - the "movie heart attack," where no one doubts what's happening. But most heart attacks start slowly, with mild pain or discomfort. Often people affected aren't sure what's wrong and wait too long before getting help. Here are signs that can mean a heart attack is happening:

• Chest discomfort. Most heart attacks involve discomfort in the center of the chest that lasts more than a few minutes, or that goes away and comes back. It can feel like uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness or pain.
• Discomfort in other areas of the upper body. Symptoms can include pain or discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach.
• Shortness of breath with or without chest discomfort.
• Other signs may include breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea or lightheadedness

As with men, women's most common heart attack symptom is chest pain or discomfort. But women are somewhat more likely than men to experience some of the other common symptoms, particularly shortness of breath, nausea/vomiting, and back or jaw pain.

Learn the signs, but remember this: Even if you're not sure it's a heart attack, have it checked out. Minutes matter! Fast action can save lives - maybe your own. Don't wait more than five minutes to call 9-1-1.

Heart disease is the number one killer of both women and men. Keep yourselves healthy. Pay attention to your bodies. Take care of you!

I mean, dude, hospital food SUCKS.

I've always loved diving... watching it, anyway.

AWE. SOME.

He's a tree-hugger already...

So, apparently unprepared for the ONSLAUGHT of blog posts, our host's server crashed. My Friday post disappeared and I couldn't post over the weekend. Actually, maybe I could have eventually, but there were some other pesky interferences such as:

• My father-in-law being admitted to the ICU with the worst strain of pneumonia. His blood oxygen level (which should be at about 98 or so) was down to around 84 and his heart rate was up at 140 resting. Yeah- bad. He's been a pack-a-day smoker for... who the hell knows how long and his lungs just couldn't take it. He's been on an oxygen mask since Saturday morning, being pumped full of antibiotics, saline, and potassium. He's recovering, but still not able to be released.
• My son being a sugar-fiending stink pot. Man, was he a DEVIL this weekend.
• My husband needing to dig fence post holes between trips to the hospital to visit his dad. Even with gloves his hands got so torn up.
• My HUGE belly dance performance being THIS WEEKEND and my costume hardly started. Fuck. I'm panicking. Anybody want to come to Central CA for a belly dance show? I can't guarantee a stellar show (I haven't seen anyone else's performance) but mine will include fishnets.
• Three loads of dishes, five loads of laundry. We had some catching up to do.

So yeah- posting that doesn't clean my house, take care of my son or FIL, build my fence, make any money, or sew my costume? Didn't get done.

But I mostly blame the server.

I'm not sure if my page is even view-able right now. I certainly can't get to it. But I'm going to honor the commitment I made to post every day even if it doesn't show up.

I'm beat today. Just exhausted. I could fall asleep now. I was in meetings all morning and I've been working non-stop (except for now!) on a single project all afternoon. It's ridiculous.

So, as much as I would like to have some lovely pearls of thinky-goodness up here today, its just not happening.

I am trying to decide (yet AGAIN) whether to redesign this site. I'm bored with it a little. I've done some sketch-ups, but I'd like to know: what do you like to see in blog designs? Cool mastheads that change frequently? Fancy graphic artwork? Lots of links? Info on the blogger? Or is it really all about the writing and you read from the feed-reader anyway so who cares?

C'mon- make my afternoon. Nobody comments anymore.

(Including me! Whoops! I'll TOTALLY try to do better next week!)

You can't help but do this:

when you see pictures of your delicious baby boy.

It's a sickness. Send cocktails.

(I know- they're not even funny! Yet I'm still sitting here laughing. Maybe it's one of those "it's only that funny because you can't laugh out loud" kind of things. I just don't trust my judgment anymore.)

I went and did it. I'm a goddamn idiot.

I know that, based on their rules, I will fail. I am not able to post on weekends. But I will try to make up for it by posting two extra times during the week. This may not happen during Thanksgi