I'm a full-time Business Development Specialist living in Northern California with my husband (JohnnyLogic), who is an IT Technician, and our son Cole (born 10/05).
Cole's birthday was great. I've hardly had time to process it, not to mention all of the photos taken. Not that I took photos- oh no no no. Like I EVEN ONCE remembered to pick up the fucking camera? HA! But my father was there and took so many on HIS camera that he wore out the batteries and had to use my camera. I haven't even gotten to see the ones on his camera yet.
But the party was good. I didn't kill anyone.
Beyond that? I didn't pull out my hair, no one puked, no one spilled anything significant on my (light tan!) carpet, there were no meltdowns (though there was an unfortunate rock throwing incident, but it wasn't my kid!! and the parents handled it nicely), nobody lost an eye, my dog didn't eat any small children (or any children, or any adults for that matter, though I'm sure she wouldn't have minded taking a bite out of the little punks throwing balls at her (she's BLIND! She doesn't play catch!) in her cage), and there was PLENTY of food for all.
Cole was spoiled beyond belief. I only just got finished with the thank you notes last night. I made Cole draw a little picture on each one. He got, I'd say, about 20 or so presents. That's like Christmas! In fact, that may be MORE than he's ever gotten for Christmas! I will say, though, that he has really played with and enjoyed everything. It was also WAY cool that, in those however many presents, there were NO repeats.
The house is back to normal(ish), though we're still fighting the significant fly problem that was started by having about 40 people tramping in and out of my house on a fine fall day. The flies make me feel MURDEROUS. I will feel much more calm WHEN THEY ALL DIE.
The cousins "chillax" before the party in front of the SuperFriends. Inspiration, y'know.
I doubt that it will come as any surprise that I am a major nerd. Whatever- I don't have a problem with it. I embraced it long ago: I will never be "cool."
Part of what makes me a nerd is my deep love of a very classically nerdy thing: Dungeons and Dragons. I can't help it. My husband introduced me to it 12 years ago, and it was like I was finally home. A non-competitive game? With a story line? And fantasy creatures? And I get to kill evil stuff? And pretend I'm big and tough or magical or smart or anything else I'm not? SWEET.
So maybe that's why this so is damn funny to me, and may not be to you. Because you are most likely not as nerdy as I am.
I can't think about it much more or I may go on a lawn-sign-smashing, bumper-sticker-defacing campaign, and I don't really want to do those things. I already voted. My friends and family are voting this way. There's not a lot more I feel I can do at this point.
Because I love my family. Because I include in that family people who have chosen their own gender. Because I am a mother. Because I am a mother who works outside the home and still holds motherhood first. Because I am an atheist. Because I believe in religious freedom. Because I would never want to take away your ability to disagree with me respectfully. Because I believe in questioning authority, especially government. Because I've already voted for Obama and against Prop 8. Because I was born here. Because I think we should take care of our citizens. Because I think we should be good neighbors in our global community. Because I believe in equality. Because I embrace diversity. Because I believe in the freedom of speech. Because I would never have an abortion, but I want it to remain legal and safe. Because I am patriotic in my own way. Because I live here and contribute to the country's success. Because I love apple pie. And pecan. And pumpkin. And strawberry-rhubarb.
For some reason, even before I was old enough to vote, I have always had a lot of respect for General Colin Powell. I couldn't even tell you when or how I first heard of him, but I knew I liked him. When he stood beside Bush and announced that he thought there were weapons of mass destruction to the UN, I was really disappointed. When he quit Bush's cabinet, he redeemed himself a little bit, but it still didn't take away the bad taste in my mouth about his part in invading Iraq.
But today? Today I feel like making out with him.
One of my favorite parts:
I'm also troubled by, not what Senator McCain says, but what members of the party say. And it is permitted to be said such things as, "Well, you know that Mr. Obama is a Muslim." Well, the correct answer is, he is not a Muslim, he's a Christian. He's always been a Christian. But the really right answer is, what if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer's no, that's not America.
Since we moved back here to our "cowtown," I've been looking for ways to get involved in the community. I want to meet people. I want to make connections and maybe even friends. I love that this town is still small enough that you see people you know almost everywhere you go, and I'd like to know more people.
As it is, I feel like we know mostly my parent's friends. I rarely go out and see people that I know who are also my age, and even more rarely do they have kids. We have no friends with kids- did you know that? None in town, anyway. And yeah- kids aren't everything to a friendship; they don't make or break the deal, but it would just be nice to maybe have a few.
And I've tried some stuff, I really have. I've tried the bellydancing (which I LOVE passionately, but have no real outlet for anymore, though that may change soon, too); I tried the art scene, but I'm far too 1) married, 2) mother-y, 3) non-alcoholic, and 4) boring for that. Apparently.
I thought that maybe I could break in another way- by having Cole attend some sort of lesson. Great for both of us, right? He gets to do his gymnastics or ballet or whatever and I get to chat with other parents with children of roughly the same age. Awesome!
Except that I just couldn't really muster the enthusiasm for gymnastics or ballet. There's nothing wrong with them, really. I mean, I did ballet, tap, and jazz for several years as a kid and I have mostly fond memories (except for the time that the instructor thought she could "force" me into the splits and so pushed down on my shoulders with all of her weight. That memory is not so fond). But for Cole? Meh. I just couldn't see it. He's too cautious for gymnastics and not focused enough for dance.
Then, suddenly, I had an idea. A brilliant, shining, magnificent idea. WHAT ABOUT YOGA?!
Cole LOVES yoga. We do it at home, but I only know a few poses for him to do, and getting out and about is kind of part of the point. So I wasted no time in writing an email to the local yoga studio asking if there was a chance of ever getting a kid's class started. Or maybe- even better- a kid AND parent class.
And what do you think happened? I got an email back today telling me that the woman who used to run the class is freshly back in town and wants to start the class again!
So this woman and I have been emailing back and forth, and it turns out that she's my age, has a 9 mo son, and wants MY HELP getting a class together! ME!! This is exactly what I was looking for, and way more than I thought I might find. I'm more excited and inspired by this than I have been in a long time, and that's something I really needed.
We were watching E.T. with Cole recently, which is odd for me because I never liked it as a kid, but saw it several times anyway, so I kind of know it without really knowing it. Y'know?
Anyway, We got to the part, which I didn't know was coming, where Elliot screams "It was nothing like that, penis breath!" And from across the room I hear Cole holler "Penis crap!"
I'm not going to talk about love anymore right now because then I'll get all snorfle-y and it's not a look that I'm okay with while at work. So, instead, I'm going to talk about poop.
Cole (sitting on the toilet): What SHAPE will it be when it comes out? Me: When what comes out? The poop? Cole: Yes! What do you think? Let's think. (Very thoughtful, concerned look while tapping on his forehead) Me: Um... a cylinder? Cole: No! I think... a Popsicle! Me: BWAHAHAHA!! Cole: MOM! DON'T LAUGH! NO LAUGHING! Me: SnerfBWAheehee... But we don't eat that kind of popsicle, do we? Cole: NO! That's yukky, mom. Me: (To myself) Poopsicle. Hee!
"Being able to speak freely is the lifeblood of love." -Tokyo Godfathers
There are rare times in a person's life when they see with such clarity how fortunate they really are.
I have recently had a glimpse at my account balance and I am rich. I am rich in Love and Friendship, and it is an unparalleled feeling.
I have more people standing by me and supporting me than I ever thought I would, and it is an overwhelming thing to finally realize. Even better, they are all people for whom I feel the same.
It is very hard for me to be open; to speak freely about how I feel about others, because I'm afraid that I'll leave myself open to ridicule and pain. But if I can't speak freely about love and good things, then how can I ever know how others feel in return? And when will it be too late to tell them? What if I never get the chance?
That won't happen.
John- My darling, my defender, my protector, my love. It's been 12 years and still not adequate time to tell you enough how I feel. Don't ever wonder if I love you, because I always will. I would never choose anyone else to spend my life with.
Cole- You ARE my heart, not just in it.
Emi- I'm so proud of what you've achieved. You are gorgeous, smart, talented, and the kindest- hearted person I know. I treasure our relationship. I am fiercely proud of being your sister. I will always be here for you.
Spencer- Kiddo, I have watched you grow into such a wonderful person. You are kind, funny, generous, brilliant, and creative. What a man you'll be! I'm so proud to know you.
Mom- Despite our differences, I never want to lose you. I am glad that you are finding what will make you happy. You deserve it.
Dad- I feel closer to you than ever. I may not always agree with you, but I am always impressed by what you've achieved. You have an excitement for life that I admire hugely. It's so wonderful to see you so happy.
Alliya- You started off as my sister's friend, then the sister of my friend, and now I feel more like you're a sister to me. You are so gorgeous and vivacious, and I'm more than a little awed being in your presence. I love your joyfulness and wit, and I've been honored to have been included by you so many times. Thank you.
Otis- For so long you've been like my brother. You are funny and honest and your generosity has been overwhelming. I've always found you to be such an impressively balanced person- a planner who isn't afraid to take some risks for fun and the experience. Thank you for always embracing us. And you married a wonderful woman who I'd love to get to know better. I dearly hope that I get that chance.
Josh F- I have been blown away by your kindness, thoughtfulness, and loyalty, even at times when I know you've been struggling with one thing or another. I see so much amazing potential in you, and I have such great hopes. I appreciate how you are able to tease me without ever making me feel like you are anything but joking. You are refreshingly honest and straightforward.
Thalisha- I never thought we'd be good friends, but I am so pleased that we are. You inspire me. You are so talented and so lovely. I have felt so greedy to learn from you, yet you have never made me feel anything but welcome and encouraged. You've shared so much and taught me so much. I am continually impressed by you.
Richard- You brat. How can so much enthusiasm and talent be in one person? You are so creative, and your excitement for your projects is so infectious. Thank you for your patience, your honesty, and your friendship- it means more than I can express. Thanks for all the hugs, too.
Casey- No matter the distance that separates us or the time spent apart, I will always feel instantly close to you, just as I did the first time we met. You're just an incredible person, and there's so much I wish I could learn from you.
Naomi- I, since the first time we met, have always been in awe of your genius. I always enjoy time with you. Your generosity and wonderful advice can never be repaid, but I wish we lived closer so I could try. You have been a mentor and a friend. When I think of the kind of mother I want to be, I think of you.
Hannah- If I could find a way to get you to move back to CA and live next to me, I'd do it. I have felt so comfortable with you from the start. You have heard things that no one else has from me. You're an amazing woman.
Kylee- I don't feel that I know you as well as I should or would like to, but you've been nothing but kind and welcoming to me and my family. I would love to have the chance to know you better, and I would like nothing more than if you could one day be my son's teacher, because I know we couldn't ask for a better one.
Josh G- We've not been close in the past few years, but it's always fun to see you. I so appreciate how you accepted me from the start. You are so funny and have such a great, relaxed attitude. I know, too, that underneath you are a great big teddy bear, and I think it's adorable. You've always been willing to help me, even if all I needed was someone to stand with me or pour me more scotch.
I apologize for my awkward words- they do not begin to do these wonderful people justice, and barely even scrape the top of the love I feel for them.
So here's what I want from you: if this has touched you or made you think about the wonderful people in your life, write about it. Write it in the comments, on your blog, or in an email or letter to those people. Don't just feel the love, FEED it. Love needs fuel, and we all need love.
FEED THE LOVE.
This list also doesn't include those who have given me support and inspiration on the internet, because most I've never met in real life. Some of those fantastic people include:
Jami Jenny (Crash Test Mommy) HeatherPride The Princess SunShine Anne Nahm Sizzle The Hotfessional Beth Fish Rude Cactus Susan Wagner Miss Zoot Amalah Sweetney
When it comes to politics, sure- I have my pretty well defined opinions. However, in real life, I am not a very vocal political person. I'll see things on the internet that are funny to me and I occasionally post them. I am purposefully hyperbolic because it amuses me. If we met in real life, chances are you'd never know what party I belong to or how I feel about particular issues. I respect anyone who has taken the time to educate themselves about issues and candidates, no matter their position on them. I regularly read bloggers with very different opinions than my own and I don't hate them for it, I just respectfully disagree.
About Ron Paul: Was "asshat" too strong a phrase? Possibly. It was used for effect. There are certainly things about Ron Paul that I don't agree with: his fight to overturn Roe v Wade; opposition of gun regulation; and proposing a withdrawal from the UN, to name a few. There are also some things that I appreciate: states rights to approving abortion; voting against the Iraq war; and opposing the federal war on drugs (which has always seemed like the wrong way to approach the drug issue in America). He's a human, not a supervillain. He has his reasons for believing what he does, as we all do.
And I was quite honest about that picture of him making me feel sad. He just looks so defeated and lonely. That's why I wanted to give him a hug. I may not agree with him, but he has feelings just like I do. Maybe he wasn't really sad when that picture was taken, but it sure makes it look that way.
So take it easy. We're all entitled to our own opinions, and this blog happens to be my outlet for mine. Visit at your own risk, I guess, and remember that we're all people and, ultimately, all in this together.
I know Ron Paul is kind of an asshat, but there is something so pitifully sad about this picture. I just want to give him a hug! Of course, he'd probably die from the liberal, "pro-choice" cooties that would jump off of me and smother him, but... still. I think it has to do with the highwaters and shoes... sad, man. So sad.
You should really go read this. It's some of the scariest shit I've read in a LONG time. If that doesn't cast even a little doubt about McCain's character, I don't know what would.
The conference was good. Great, actually, and not nearly as emotionally wrenching as I anticipated, being so far from my boys. I think that mostly has to do with the women I went with (who were fantastic), how busy we were, and the serious sleep deprivation I endured.
The company I work for is in the process of implementing an ESOP- an Employee Stock Ownership Plan. It's really very exciting. We need to do it to get through ownership transition (the current owners want to retire) without being bought out (and probably laid off) by some other huge competitor. But it's also just cool- to have such an influence over the success of a company and to be able to turn around and see that success in terms of positive personal financial impacts... well, I think that's pretty neat (especially when it isn't costing me anything!). I'm on the communications committee for the company ESOP, so I, with two other co-workers, was chosen to attend this conference.
It was SO invigorating. I feel so much more enthusiastic and I have so many ideas about how we can successfully establish an "ownership culture" now. It was a really good way o jump me back into feeling good about work after the slump I've been in for the past few weeks.
But damn- it was so nice to get home! Cole kept touching my face as if he thought I might not be there. He also kept spontaneously announcing "I love you, Mom." which was just about the nicest thing I could ever hope to hear (besides maybe "I love you, Mom. I'm now making millions as a legitimate businessman and want to take care of you the rest of your life." That would be freakin' sweet.).
Anyway... conference GOOD. Love GOOD. Home GOOD. Sleep GOOOOOD.
(ticknart- I didn't get anything besides edumacated at the conference- it wasn't that kind of conference.)
My cell phone rings. I don't get to it in time. I view the missed call. Mom. I don't know what to think. Relief for accidentally missing it so that I don't have to feel guilt for intentionally "missing" it? The phone buzzes in my hand, letting me know there's a message.
"Just wanted to let you know that ground turkey is on sale at the store for $2 a package. I know you guys used to eat a lot of it, but I'm not sure anymore. Thought I'd let you know just in case. Love you, honey."
